“Happiness is like a butterfly; the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder” — Henry David Thoreau, born in 1817 in Massachusetts. Most of us have been sold the idea of happiness by social media, Hollywood and various fairytales and books. Increasingly though, people are realising that happiness isn’t something to be chased although, most adverts try to convince you otherwise. The truth of happiness lies in how we relate to ourselves internally whilst understanding our internal motivations. That’s why befriending and getting to know your moods can make you happier.
Moods and Emotions
If you want the scientific explanation then emotions are neural impulses that send us a message to act. Whether we do so or not is then our choice. Although, in 2021 New York’s seller, The Emotional Life of Your Brain, the neuroscientist talks about us having 6 emotional styles. Yes, some of our emotional make up is genetic but that doesn’t mean we can’t change it.
Generally, our level of resilience, self-awareness, outlook on life and how well we read other people have an impact as to whether we’re worriers or not, for example. Of course, there’s a lot more that goes into it but the good news is that science has now proven that we can change our emotional make up and that knowing your moods can make you happier.
The Cost of Happiness
Interestingly, if you google the actual cost then you’ll find research stating that the average price to be happy is $85,000. Naturally, this assumes that we need a certain amount of money to provide our basic needs such as having a roof over our heads. Sadly, the focus on money is all wrong though when it comes to the pursuit of happiness.
In fact, countries are increasingly trying to measure their global happiness number on various criteria. Although, culture has a strong impact as to whether you value family over freedom to be happy, for example. It’s therefore not easy to come up with the right criteria for everyone.
Most importantly though, can happiness come for free, regardless of how you define it? Have we become so entitled that we expect something for nothing? There’s no secret that happiness comes with effort especially if we’ve been hard wired by years of trauma or victim hood. I always enjoy Mark Manson’s approach and he says it very well in his blog that we need to take responsibility for our problems and accept that life has ups and downs.
What’s the Plan?
Clearly, it’s not easy to work on our happiness and it takes effort to rewire our brains to develop a more positive outlook. Just like preparing for a marathon, it takes practice but that’s why we have various tools and techniques to help us. First though, you have to get to know your mind such that you can actually track your moods.
1- Track your mood
Amazingly, we have lots of online apps these days to choose from to track our moods. Alternatively, you can use a traditional pen and paper approach and write your moods or tick them off on a chart as you go about your day. It’s a great way to start observing them and perhaps seeing patterns during the day. After all, we can’t be at our best every minute of the day but you can adapt which tasks you do accordingly such that your moods can make you happier and more effective. After all, no one should be making major life decisions when feeling sad.
Once you get a better sense of your emotional map, you’ll know when you can make big decisions and when you can be creative or just sit back and relax. Imagine deciding on leaving your job when you’re in a grumpy mood and feel the world is against you? You’d probably regret your decision. There’s a reason they say don’t send an email in anger…
2- Borrow from Positive Psychology with a pinch of salt
If you haven’t read Christopher Peterson’s book Pursuing the Good Life then I highly recommend it. It’s well written and very entertaining to read with lots of anecdotal stories about positive psychology. He’s essentially simplified his research to help us understand emotions, happiness and how to incorporate them into our everyday life.
There are lots of great exercises from the field of Positive Psychology that anyone can do, including the Gratitude and Strengths exercises. The first one is easy to understand but might take a bit of effort at first. Essentially, list 10 things you’re grateful for at the start of everyday. If you then combine it with the strengths exercise, you’ll be increasing your happiness levels almost immediately. This one entails finding your strengths and using one you don’t often use for something that day. It can actually be quite fun too!
3- Surrender to the emotion
The point though is to accept our moods whether they are sad or happy. As we practice, the key is to remove the concept of good and bad and simply be aware of the moods. We only make them worse by labelling them as bad. What if they were just moods to be observed for the messengers they are? Ultimately, we are not our emotions as they are only brain responses, at the end of the day.
Ok, so it takes time to take that in fully but it is true that the more we resist something then the worse it gets. It’s the same with emotions. Essentially though, knowing your moods can make you happier because you also learn to let them go so they don’t take hold of you. Moods and emotions only get their power because we create stories and identities around them.
So instead, sit with any discomfort and ask yourself what can you change and control. If you can’t actually change or control anything then practice letting go. Sometimes we can move on to the next problem or activity. As long as we have acknowledged our emotions and practised the thought that moods can make you happier then the personal work has begun and everything else will follow through eventually.
What’s Your Plan?
We all want to be happy but do we truly know what this means and what is involved? So, how much work and effort are you willing to give it? Of course it isn’t easy but if someone like Viktor Frankl can find happiness in a concentration camp, perhaps we all have something within us to work with? If you don’t try, you’ll never know and the worst part is, you’ll give up on happiness before you’ve even started.
