Case Study – What do I want in Life?

Many think they know what they want in life and many have no idea. Sometimes what we want also changes as we grow older but many hold on to a previous goal because it’s familiar. Often, we are ‘told’ what we want in life by well-meaning parents. Although, perhaps they are making up for their regrets by living through their children. Others, don’t want the same suffering for their children whether it’s lack of money, stability or adventure. But do you know what the biggest regret I invariably heard from older people I’ve coached as they transitioned into retirement? Don’t work so hard. Spend time with what matters, with your family. 

I remember one particular person I worked with who was doing very well in his career and was well-respected. He had turned around a team and grown it from 2 to 15 across a whole continent in very different markets. To the outsider, his life was perfect. The interesting part was that he kept telling me this was his dream job. He was doing what he’d always wanted but something was missing and he couldn’t understand it. He felt empty and frustrated. Essentially, he was bored and stuck. 

So what did we do together? 

1- Understanding yourself and your values 

We spent some time using a few different behaviour frameworks and exercises to explore who he was and what his core values were. People are often frustrated as they drift through life. It can be soul-destroying when your daily actions are not inline with your values.It was interesting that Independence came out as a key priority for my coachee. However, he felt that he was a slave to his job. 

2- Understanding your priorities 

The Wheel of Life is a very useful tool to work through not only what our priorities are in life but also as a check that we are leading a balanced life. Whilst work is important and can help give us a purpose, if we forget the other aspects of life such as family or community, we can almost feel lop-sided. We need a holistic approach to our personal journey and finding purpose   

3- Gap Analysis – how to get from today’s reality to the ideal reality 

What transpired was that he was no longer living his purpose. It’s not easy finding your purpose. However, working with a coach can be a huge help and I know it’s helped me in the past. Although, I do always like Mark Manson’s questions from his blog which are a good start.

Essentially though, my coachee’s purpose was no longer about finding monetary independence but was now about finding personal independence. It took some sessions before he felt brave enough to say that he wanted to start his own company. He felt he was betraying his team by saying that out loud. But is it wrong to want to work for yourself when you work for someone else? You can still learn the skills and be an asset to your employer.

4- Action Plan 

This is easy to write down but not necessarily easy to stick to. My job was to support him through the change of mindset and vision that he needed for success. I was there to make sure he had the right tools and resources to keep to his plan and work through roadblocks. The key questions were around what change he needed to do on himself and what to refocus in terms of day-to-day activities.