As I ran into traffic the other day, barely avoiding an oncoming car, and then leaping into my own car before speeding off, I could feel my elevated heart beat and the adrenalin rushing round. It’s actually quite an incredible thing that when under threat, our brains can focus so sharply that you don’t hesitate to run into traffic. Unfortunately, I’d just been harassed and grabbed by someone in the street trying to steal my bag. However, I am grateful for my brain successfully going into flight mode. But did it turn into stress? 

Luckily, half an hour later it was all just a bad moment and I felt normal again as the threat was well and truly over. However, our brains are making these judgement calls of fight or flight all day. In my case, I was running away from a modern ‘grizzly bear’ and so my adrenalin spiked and I ran. When the threat was over, my heart rate went back to normal. 

But what happens when this impressive survival system goes into overload? Luckily, we can trick it and we can reduce our stress levels. 

How do you know you’re stressed? 

Do you ever have those days when you think you’re fine and you have everything under control but somehow you can’t sleep or you snap at your child or your dog? You can’t concentrate and your mind is going round and round in circles? Or perhaps you’re reaching for the fridge or the wine cabinet a little too frequently? 

There are so many warning signs. For example, do you notice your body’s signs calling out to you to tell you to do something different? The aches and pains or dizzy spells we get, once you’ve discarded medical issues, are due to adrenalin and cortisol being present in your body at excessive levels. These chemicals are triggered when your brain is under threat and wants to either fight or flee. However, if they do not get a chance to go back to their normal levels then they create biological issues.

How do you reduce everyday Stress? 

I’m not talking about life changing traumatic events such as divorce or grief or other traumas that can happen to people as these need a special kind of work and support. However, our daily lives are littered with potential triggers that can lead to stress. Understanding those triggers is a key step in becoming aware and in reducing our reactions. Journaling is a great tool for understanding these triggers and for getting other huge benefits, including stress release, and there are some useful prompts that can help you get started. 

However, you can also apply some other simple techniques to help you reduce your stress levels throughout your day: 

1- Trick your Brain by Breathing & Slowing Down 

Luckily our fight-or-flight system works in parallel with our ‘calming’ or parasympathetic nervous system. When one system is active, then the other one is reduced in activity. Have you noticed that when you are stressed your breathing tends to be faster? It also comes in shorter and shallower breaths. However, taking deep breaths and breathing from your diaphragm will slow down your breathing and with it, your heart rate. 

And it sounds simple but slow down. Do you really need to do all those tasks on your list or can someone help you? Or can they be done later in the week or even month? Is everything really that urgent? 

2- Perspective – How else can you view the Situation? 

It’s so easy to get caught up in the worlds that our brains have created for us. Of course it’s also very useful as it helps us make sense of the world and what’s happening around us. However, the stories can be a little narcissistic in how they revolve around us and us alone. And as we know from buddhist philosophies, “ego is the cause of all suffering”. You can therefore conclude that if we lose the ego, then we reduce our stress. Easier said than done of course!

So, for example, if a friend avoids you in the street do you start wondering what you’ve done to deserve this? How rude and they should respect you… but what if you thought about it from their point of view? Perhaps this friend didn’t see you or is also stressed with their own task list? 

Try it next time and imagine you are the person who has stressed you. What could be causing their reaction? What is their inner critic telling them? Alternatively, you can be an observer in the situation – how would a partial person be interpreting everything?

3- Self-compassion & Self-care to Reduce Stress

Stress can be very positive if you think back that it’s a result of your brain responding to a threat in order to protect you. What can you learn? Perhaps there is something you need to change in your life? What emotions are connected to your stress? Working with a coach will help you work through this but you can also start on your own with some self-compassion, perhaps even some self-compassion meditation and self-care, including proper food, sleep and exercise. 

It’s so easy to be hard on ourselves when we are in a stressful situation. Our brains are trying to tell us to act and so we’ll create stories around what happened. Perhaps we even tell ourselves that we’re not good enough. Your boss yells at you but do you ever think that perhaps you deserved it? I know I’ve found myself caught up in those unhelpful thoughts in the past. Crazy, isn’t it?

Practice self-compassion – what would a friend say to you in the same situation? Or perhaps pretend you’re the friend talking to yourself – what do you tell yourself now? 

and self-gratitude 

Accepting ourselves for who we are, including our vulnerabilities is a key part of self-compassion. As we recognise that we are all human and all have fears and insecurities then we can appreciate that we do the best we can everyday and no one can ask anything more from us. Another useful exercise is the self-gratitude one where you write down 10 things you appreciate about yourself. Read them every morning when you wake up and get yourself into a positive frame of mind to set off your day. 

We are all incredible beings with so much to offer. Connect with that feeling and belief and with time, you’ll find yourself feeling more positive and compassionate not only to yourself but also to others. You’ll also learn more about yourself and get to appreciate yourself more. It’s a wonderful place to be and a much happier one, even with the tough days, so why not give it go?