We often agonise for days or even weeks, perhaps months, over certain decisions. Our emotions get into a complete tangle and usually we overthink the decision and can’t connect to what truly needs to happen. Think about how hard it is to break up with someone? Yet, deep down, we know the answer. In those decision making moments though, our minds unfortunately overwhelm us and we get lost. Then again, we need our emotions to make decisions and we can actually follow a process to help us.
How Emotions Guide Us when we Make Decisions
Most of us assume that emotions cloud our judgements. Of course, if you’re being triggered and your anger is causing you to react then you’ll probably face negative consequences. On the flip side, today’s neuroscientists have shown that if your emotions are removed then you can’t make sensible decisions.
In fact, there’s a fascinating patient who worked with the neuroscientist, Antonio Damasio. Sadly, the patient had to have the part of his brain that’s linked to emotions removed due to a tumour. As this article states, it destroyed his life because he couldn’t make decisions. He was constantly being fired from jobs for procrastinating and turned to dodgy money making schemes so leaving him bankrupt.
How to Make Decisions with your Emotions as an Aide
Essentially, the reason-making part of our brains needs our emotions to guide us. Without the emotions, decisions become so overwhelming because we simply have too many things to compare and contrast. Then again, how do you avoid your emotions from forcing you to into a state of reaction rather than into a calm response? Wisdom, after all, is the ability to take a pause before moving forwards.
Here are 4 easy steps based on Damasio’s Somatic marker Hypothesis which attempts to unite body and mind:
1- Check your Influences
We all have our belief systems and ways of viewing the world. Our best decisions are made when we can pick out what’s influencing us and then basically rise above it. For instance, how are your mental models and thought patterns defined because of your past experiences? Perhaps you’ve faced similar decisions in the past and been burnt in some ways?
This isn’t necessarily easy to do because our biases can blind us but here are some questions to help you:
- How are other people trying to sway you one way or another?
- What expectations are you facing from family, work or friends?
- What are the positives and negatives of all possible outcomes from either decision?
- What about no decision?
2- What’s your Emotional State?
Going back to how our emotions can both guide and hinder us so we should pause and take note. This is the somatic part in the sense that you’re trying to feel what’s going on inside your physiology. Try to imagine what a decision would feel like. Is your heart racing? What do you feel in the pit of your stomach? If you’re just angry and scared about how to decide then you’ll need to leave it for a few days. There’s a reason we say to sleep on things.
3- Clarify your Goals and their Associated Values
Here comes the logic part. The general idea is to merge logic with emotions, which is where values come into it. For example, if you go for decision A versus B, what kind of person does that make you? Does that goal then fit with your values? If you’re not sure what your values are then have a go at this simple exercise. Then again, you can also simply sit with what you’re feeling. If you feel like your feathers are being ruffled, so to speak, then your values have been denied.
4- Cost Benefit Summary
Everything we do comes with a result and our minds generally try to get a reward from it. After all, it’s what’s kept us alive as a species. So, what reward will you get for decision A versus B? Is there a risk linked to that reward? What about the short-term versus any long-term rewards? Again, how do these then match up with your values?
Have a Go for the Next time you Make a Decision
Like everything, this takes patience and practice. We can’t all be wise overnight but we can tame our minds to give us a pause so that we can sense our emotions and weigh up our potential goals and rewards. Sometimes, even the simple act of writing the answers to the 4 questions above will give you the answers you seek. Let your inner subconsciousness guide you by finding a quiet place and just writing by hand. The slowness of the action will calm your limbic system, quieten any fear and will allow the clarity to shine through. Then, you’ll simply just know.
