I recently came across this list welcoming us to our mind which I thought was a great reminder of what we’re dealing with (Carter & Hougaard, 2018) : 

1- You do not control your mind

2- You are not rational

3- Your mind creates your reality

4- You are not your thoughts 

The cheeky part of me immediately though, “hmmm… does that mean I’m not responsible for my actions?”. No, unfortunately it doesn’t work that way. And what does this all have to do with welcoming uncertainty?

We are Not Our Thoughts

What did you think when you read that list? Is your mind fighting or welcoming it? There’s a great exercise in psychology that asks you to NOT think about pink elephants but essentially, once the thought of those elephants is planted, it’s virtually impossible not to think of them. This also happens to our negative thoughts and our fears. They lodge themselves into our minds and never seem to leave. The good news is that we now know, thanks to neuroscience, that we can rewire our brains and that we are not our thoughts. With practice and patience, we can train our minds to face our fears and even become open to welcoming uncertainty. 

Why does Uncertainty make us so Anxious?

Our brains are hardwired to protect us and if the brain doesn’t know what’s coming then it doesn’t know what command to put in place to keep us alive. We are also biased towards negativity, again to help us survive. Therefore, our brains will come up with the worst case scenario when faced with uncertainty which, let’s face it, is stressful.

In fact, it’s been shown that we are more comfortable with pain than with welcoming uncertainty because with pain, at least we know what’s coming. The brain knows which ‘configuration’ to adopt and is essentially less into ‘overdrive’. 

1- Curiosity 

Uncertainty is only scary because of all the so-called bad things that could happen. But what about all the good things that could happen? All those pleasant surprises out there waiting to jump out at us… think of it like watching a film. Bad things happen and good things happen. Some films end badly and some end well. But who says it’s bad or good? We are simply interpreting an outcome. So, can we try to view our lives like a story we’re excited to discover? During a film, we are welcoming uncertainty so can we try to apply that thought to our everyday?

We can help ourselves by reading about our problems but not to the point of obsession. We can also leverage our creativity to increase our curiosity. Maybe try to picture the most beautiful or weirdly wonderful places you’ve ever been to. It could be anything from a mountain to a seedy bar. What was so interesting or curious about each place?

And now can you apply that to your current day? What’s curious and different about today? Maybe the shape of a cloud. Maybe the laughter of a child. The more we notice these things then the more curious we become and therefore, the less attached to the outcome of a particular situation. We essentially become open to welcoming uncertainty because we are curious about what’s coming next.

2- Focus on what You Can Control

There’s a wonderful prayer written by the American theologian (Shapiro, 2014) Reinhold Niebuhr (1892–1971), although I think of it as a poem as it doesn’t have to involve God or any other religious doctrine. It can simply be phrased to our higher power or to the universal consciousness, however, the message and wisdom can be followed by all of us (Kaplan, 2002): 

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

courage to change the things I can,

and wisdom to know the difference.

Of course this isn’t always easy to do but simply reminding yourself that you can’t control certain things when you feel the whirlwind of emotions can be a huge help. Another trick is to plan around what you can control. For example, which part of your routine can you keep or structure differently to help you find some constant in your day-to-day? 

3- Managing Emotions 

We can’t control what others do or think, much as our brain likes to tell us otherwise because after all, we are right, aren’t we? This can be a source of huge stress when we want others to be different or do different things. 

With mind training and awareness however, we can cultivate a more balanced view that people are just as they are and to let them be. This then allows you to observe and let go of your own emotions. Emotions are biologically created in response to a trigger and they only really become a problem when our minds latch on to them and create a story around them. It’s the pink elephant again. 

This is essentially what neuroscientist and psychologist Lisa Feldman Barratt says in her theory that emotions are constructed in our brains based on past predictions, experiences and conclusions. Knowing this helps us manage them better because we can create new stories around them by being more aware of them. For example, are you really feeling fear or is it excitement? For example, rushing at top speed down a zip line could be either fear or excitement … name it, rephrase and with time, see what happens.  

An easy and very effective way to do this is through journaling with some useful prompts to help you process your emotions. Again with time and patience, this will help you in welcoming uncertainty because you learn to take a step back and not identify with your emotions so strongly.

4- Face your Fears 

I know this is easier said than done but no one said this human existence was supposed to be easy. When things are uncertain, accept the possible scenarios your brain comes up with and ask yourself what’s the worst that could actually happen. In those cases, think about what you would do to get through it. The majority of issues are surmountable. Of course there are cases when we need professional help and I’m not referring to those. 

Remember that fear is just another emotion telling you to avoid something to protect you. But perhaps your brain is generalising or magnifying the potential outcome? Everyday I have to face my fear of leaving the house due to a very real feeling that the house will burn down. Has it ever burnt down? No. With mindfulness, I’m practicing reframing that fear in my brain that the risk of the house burning down is very slim and virtually non-existent. And everyday is new data that it hasn’t burnt down.

5- Build Resilience 

For me this is about compassion, perspective, mindfulness as well as managing external resources such as your network. I also like to do the gratitude exercise which involves listing not just what I’m grateful for around me but also within me in terms of capabilities and strengths. 

However, resilience isn’t about just seeing the positives but also about accepting the hardship and the difficult emotions. Being resilient doesn’t mean that life is constantly rosy but it means that you can handle the dark times more calmly. Everyone can cultivate this skill so start today – do a gratitude list, try meditation, reach out to your friends to get perspective and set goals for getting through this phase in your life. You’ve got nothing to lose. And it really does work!

References:

Carter, Jacqueline, Hougaard, Rasmus (March 12, 2018) The Mind of the Leader: How to Lead Yourself, Your People, and Your Organization for Extraordinary Results. Harvard Business Press. Boston 

Shapiro, Fred R. (April 28, 2014). “Who Wrote the Serenity Prayer?”. The Chronicle of Higher Education.

Kaplan, Justin, ed. (2002). “Reinhold Niebuhr (1892–1971)”. Bartlett’s Familiar Quotations (17th ed.). p. 735. (attributing the prayer to Niebuhr in 1943)