I spoke to a friend of mind on Saturday who told me that he felt as grey as the sky above him, for no particular reason. Although when I asked him a few questions, it was clear that a few things were worrying him. However, he was ignoring them and burying them away. We all now agree that suppressing emotions is bad for your health as shown by research but it got me thinking. We all have those days when you just wish you could stay in bed or on the sofa with a book or Netflix. You want to escape but you can’t quite understand why you feel like this.

How to get through one of those grey days of feeling low?

I’m not talking about clinical depression or other mental states that need deeper professional help. I’m talking about those off days we all get when you just can’t shake that feeling of just … meh.  

1- Connect with your Emotions

I know it’s hard and counterintuitive in a way but the more we resist emotions then the worse they get. We actually need to sit with the emotions and feel what’s happening to our body. We need to step out of our heads and our ‘thinking’ and connect to that feeling of ‘low’. Whether we like it or not our bodies are under stress from the emotion that doesn’t just dissipate. The body will be sending lots of distress signals to your brain to do something and fix this. 

And that’s when your reactions and urges take over. You might reach for that ice cream or other junk food. Recent research shows that there is a “fat-by-emotion” interaction in our brains with instant gratification from junk food. However, by giving in, we get into a vicious circle because junk food is a source of toxins and is generally unhealthy for our brains. We want to be creating positive connections and not negative ones based on instant gratification. 

I do love this odd tip from a psychologist and nutritionist, Susan Roberts: “tap your forehead and count backwards from 100 when you’re hit by an urge to eat”. Whilst this might sound odd, it actually works because cravings are in your short term memory. The exercise essentially allows you to distract your brain. 

2- Reframing & Question your Belief Statements

I’ve said it before but journaling is still one of the best tools for connecting with our emotions, trying to understand them and then taking a step back. Perhaps you’re being hard on yourself about something that happened. Or perhaps you’re feeling that nothing will improve. 

Reframing a situation as if being observed by a completely separate person can be very liberating. And another of my favourite exercises is ‘Thoughts on Trial’. Write down your statement at the top, for example, I’m a terrible friend. On the left hand side of your sheet of paper, note down all the examples that support this statement. Then on the right hand side, list all the examples that counter the statement. 

Finally, at the end, try to come up with an alternative more balanced statement or statements. For example, yes you’re a good friend and you made a mistake but you can apologise and do it differently next time. Or you’re a good friend and you snapped because you were worried about your sick child but you can explain that to your friend. There are so many ways of seeing the same situation differently and responding accordingly. We are all human. Also, don’t forget that sharing your worries can help people understand what’s happening with you. They can then either support you through it or give you the space you need.

3- Get Moving and Breathe

Stretching and breathing deeply help move oxygen round our brains. It also helps activate our parasympathetic nervous system, or resting system. Overall, our hearts and our breaths slow down and we might even remember to look up at the sky.

Do you sometimes find yourself muttering along as you stare down at the ground? A simple look up suddenly brightens up your head partly because of the light and partly because it’s forced you to take a deeper and fuller breath. 

4- Gratitude

There is increasingly more research on gratitude and its effects on the brain. Essentially though, gratitude practices help manage our resting system at the neurological level and at the psychological level, the brain learns to focus on more positive thoughts. Check out these gratitude prompts or you can simply list 10 things everyday that you feel grateful for. 

Of course I’m not saying this is easy to do and we all prefer some coping mechanisms over others. We are all different and all need something different and that includes asking for help. But sometimes we need courage to even ask for help. Take a breath, remember that you are not alone with these feelings … someone out there is invariably feeling them too. But don’t give up and there is always a way forwards. And remember that even when it’s a grey day, the blue sky is always just behind those clouds.