I wondered why my emotional response was so strong the other day when I went into the shelter and found a dead puppy. Was it the eyes, the white gums, the frozen body …? I like to think I’m getting used to death as a part of life. However, I cried over a puppy I barely knew. That feeling of helplessness and loneliness was so overpowering that nothing else existed in that moment . And then I remembered that thing people always say that we die alone. I never really believed it as surely there are people around us when we die. However, seeing that dead puppy made me realise how much the experience of dying is a lonely one. And yet, others say that we should be treating death as just another phase of our existence. But how do we accept this? What is learning to accept death?

Today’s Views in the West

Whether you believe in an afterlife or not is almost irrelevant. Regardless, we will all go through the experience of death at some point. I sometimes imagine it will be like sleeping and isn’t there a great saying “I’ll sleep when I’m dead”. I love sleeping so if it’s similar then why the hell not? I don’t care if I’m waking up or not when I’m asleep … that talking, anxious, fearful mind is finally quiet … but we never talk about death. We have to accept death whether we like it or not. However, we’ve made it into something to be feared. Maybe those from the 1800s, or even other cultures, had and have a healthier approach. Then again, death literally was in everyone’s home and on everyone’s doorstep in those days. There was no learning to accept death for them; it was already part of life.

Learning to Accept Death

I don’t pretend to know how to get my head around death even though I think about it a lot. This is particularly the case now that I volunteer at an animal shelter where death is a regular occurrence. And so I ask myself, how do I face this? how do I accept this death? How do I deal with the fear of dying? It’s going to happen whether I like it or not … 

1- Talk About It

“Name it and tame it’, so to speak. Talking about death would at least help us realise that we all fear it, deep down. It’s incredible to remember that the society of the 1800s in the UK, the Victorian era, would plan their funerals from a relatively young age. Today, it would be morbid and strange to do that. However, the more we hide away the monsters, the greater and scarier they become. 

2- Live Each Day as if it’s Your Last

Our brains are designed to worry about the future and fret about the past. However, we also live life as if we’re invincible. The reality of that truth becomes very clear as we approach the end and many become overwhelmed with regrets. Perhaps the awareness of our mortality can help us lead more fulfilling lives that are driven by our core values rather than material gain. 

3- Meditate

With time and practice, meditation allows us to get to know our true selves. We learn to connect with our deep core and to face our fears. Meditation allows us to feel connected and part of the universal consciousness. Suddenly we don’t feel like a tiny drop in a large ocean anymore. We feel as if part of the whole ocean, cradled by the universe, supported by all. We are not alone. We are not finite. Just like a wave returns to the ocean, so our energy returns to the whole because after all, energy cannot be destroyed. Therefore, everything we do contributes to that overall whole. 

4- Fear

Just the word reminds me of a rather embarrassing experience when I went to a haunted house with some friends on a halloween night in Bangkok. Haunted houses can be rather fake most of the time but this one was incredibly well done. I have to admit that I couldn’t take it but luckily, I’d managed to smuggle in my phone. I simply turned on the light as I knew someone was watching from a dark room somewhere and would try to confiscate it. I’ve never held onto anything so tightly as I begged to be confiscated with the phone.

If I can’t even take a haunted house that I knew full well was full of actors, how am I supposed to meet one of our existence’s greatest experiences? I guess it starts with baby steps. Learning to face all our fears in general. Embracing fear and doing things despite of the fear will surely get easier with time. And just because it’s unknown doesn’t necessarily mean it’s that bad, right? Although this is where spirituality and the philosophical teachings of Buddhism start making sense to me. Death is, after all, just another part of the cycle of our existence.  

5- Volunteer at Hospital or Refuge

Altruism is one of the best ways to forget about ourselves, even if only for a short period of time, and to gain some perspective. Not only will we come into contact with suffering and death but we will also realise that there is something bigger than us. We can start to let go of our self and our anxieties and realise that we are, in fact, all in it together.