As I felt myself get increasingly frustrated with yet another driver doing strange zig zags in front of me, I wondered at my frustration. Was I simply annoyed by what I perceived as incompetence or was it just my impatience at not moving quickly enough? Then again, I know I make mistakes when I drive and I also cut in front of people by mistake. The funny thing is that I expect people to forgive me. So, what’s the difference? How can we decrease anger by managing fundamental attribution bias? 

What is Fundamental Attribution Bias? 

One simple explanation is that we often jump to conclusions about someone’s flaws rather than trying to understand the context of the situation. There’s a wonderful story of how it applies to someone learning to drive in this article. 

The sad impact of this bias is that we forget that other people are human and have various issues to deal with. Whether you’re in a rush for a hospital visit or you’re learning to drive, there could be multiple causes impacting your driving. This applies to any other activity we try to do. Generally though, we’re happy to forgive ourselves and our friends but not strangers so easily. 

Decrease Anger 

Why don’t we forgive strangers so easily? It probably goes back to evolution and how all biases were developed to protect us. I guess we have to assume the worst from those we don’t know so as to avoid anyone hurting. Is that really the world we live in today though? 

Imagine the opposite reaction of showing compassion for someone and assuming they might just be having a tough day? That would actually also decrease anger within us. Basically, we think compassion rather than frustration and anger never shows itself. After all, you can’t be moved by someone else’s suffering and be angry at the same time, can you? 

Decrease Anger by Managing Fundamental Attribution Bias

If you want more specific tips for managing anger, check out this list of tips or one of my previous blogs. When it comes to managing our biases though, see how you can apply the following:  

1- What’s the bigger context? 

It’s so easy to get caught up in our inner world and forget that others have their issues and problems too. So, next time you blame someone and assume it’s their character flaw, try to imagine what problems they could be having. Problems at home with their partner or children perhaps? What about having just been made redundant or suffering from grief? 

There’s a wonderful story I remember reading somewhere about a mother who loses her son to Death. As part of her grieving process, she’s told to knock on every door in the neighbourhood to ask if anyone else has a story of loss to share. It turns out that every single family has pain and suffering to share. The mother no longer feels so alone even if the pain is still there. Essentially, we all have something and the more we remember we all suffer, the easier it becomes to forgive and move on. At the same time, we decrease anger within us too.  

2- Empathy and compassion 

Empathy and compassion mean forgetting ourselves, even if only for an instant. That isn’t always easy of course because our minds and egos are constantly telling us that everything is only about us. With practice though, you can let go of the ego’s power. Of course, we need our egos to function in this world but, like most things in life, it’s about balance. So, how can we soften the ego to be more inclusive and compassionate whilst easing our own pain and anger? 

Of course all this takes work, with some useful tips and exercises listed here. One of my favourites though, is to imagine strangers as your friends or colleagues. It’s amazing has that simple change in definition impacts how we view others.  

3- Self-regulation 

If you haven’t noticed already, these traits come under the Emotional Intelligence umbrella. There are many frameworks that explain what that is although Daniel Goleman’s 5 components are probably the most famous. 

Self-regulation is about connecting to your emotions, avoiding any judgements and not reacting blindly. There are many tools and techniques to work on this, including mindfulness and meditation. The overall aim is to get to know your mind and understand its triggers although, one of the best tools is still journaling and asking for feedback to increase your overall self-awareness. 

What’s your Next Step to Decrease Anger? 

Any internal change needs to start with the actual desire to make the effort. None of this work is easy which is why we often talk to friends, coaches and therapists. They help keep us on track while allowing us to practice and vent in a safe space. It’s a journey that will take your whole life but you’ll see improvements sooner than you think. 

Wouldn’t you want to let go of anger once and for all? After all, the emotion is often more destructive to ourselves than to anyone else. So, are you going to start with journaling or practicing more compassion to strangers? Whatever you decide, keep practicing and things will naturally fall into place.