Have you ever wondered how society shapes your life and your beliefs? What about the groups of people like you to associate with? We also all have our opinions, beliefs, judgements… there’s nothing wrong with them because it’s how we survive. Then again, have you noticed how they’re often the source of arguments or your own internal discomfort? Our biases help us make sense of the world but like every great paradox, they have a dark side. Understanding your biases can actually help you find more contentment in this world.
Negativity Bias
One of the most obvious biases is how we focus on negative events. In fact, we’re hardwired for negative thought essentially because that’s what makes us stop and pause when there’s a rustling noise in the bushes. After all, it could be that big woolly mammoth.
It’s actually the same thing with people. We simply tend to remember that bad things someone might have said to us and forget all the great things. Neuroscience even now tells us that our brains have a stronger capacity for remembering negative things. That means you have to make a point to remember and take in the positive experiences otherwise you’ll forget before you’ve even had a chance to turn them into a memory.
These days, the media is all about negative events. There’s an interesting point that was made by social pscyhologist, Roy Baumeister, that social media can do a lot of good if you think about all the positive groups about shared passions and wellbeing. The question is now, how can you turn off the negative and increase the positive?
1- Frequent Positive Thoughts and Experiences
As we have such an imbalance towards negative thoughts, we have to compensate with lots of positive ones. That involves reframing our thoughts but also making a point to take note of all our positive experiences. I really like the Gratitude exercise where you list 10 things you’re grateful for everyday.
You also have mindfulness to help you be in the present moment and actually appreciate the positive experiences. The more you can feel your body and experience a positive moment with all your senses then the more likely you’ll actually remember. Another bonus is that you’ll start understanding your biases.
2- Find the Good in Others
A great challenge for positivity is to look for the good in others, especially those people you’re arguing with or struggling to understand. It’s a tough exercise at first but you’ll soon feel liberated and you’ll have a different experience with that person.
3- Defuse the Negative Thoughts
There are actually a few different techniques to help you create separation with your thoughts so that you don’t identify with them so strongly. The easiest example is to change “I’m a loser” to “I’m having the thought that I’m a loser”. The big one for me was to move from “I’m anxious” to “I have anxiety”.
It might sound like a small thing but now I can believe that anxiety doesn’t have to be part of my life forever. I can slowly move away from it and replace it with thoughts such “I’m calm” and “I’m grounded”.
Understanding your Biases
I’m not going to pretend that it’s easy challenging your thoughts and beliefs. Actually, you know what, it’s hard. Of course it is. But the rewards are absolutely worth it. You’ll find it easier to not get lost in the whirlwind of thoughts and you’ll recover more quickly from setbacks and heartaches. Yes, those never go away and actually, neither do your biases. We need them to survive but the trick is to know them and to not let them rule your life. There are many more biases and I’ll share in my next posts…. I find them fascinating and they’ll also allow you to see how other people judge and discriminate. We all do it. No one is immune. So, why not learn about them and work with them? Understanding your biases will mean that you’ll come out on the other side as a more balanced and content person.
