Have you ever been so overwhelmed that you’re quite literally stuck as to what to do next? So anxious you can’t leave the house? You can feel the panic rising up in you as the scenarios playing in your head escalate in severity? Even if you don’t quite get to those levels of panic, most of us have some form or anxiety or stress. Then again, we seem to enjoy our stress. Think about the last time you asked a colleague how they were and how many of them replied ‘busy’? It’s almost something to be proud of and yet, we know anxiety leads to chronic diseases. So, how can we find balance and live more easily with anxiety?
We love our Anxiety
If you have anxiety and you’ve never read the book by Sarah Wilson, First, we Make the Beast Beautiful, then I highly recommend it. She does a great job humanising the journey of anxiety and her own personal experience with it is both inspiring and humbling. For me, it was also a great reminder that anxiety serves a purpose. It’s original aim is to warn us that something is wrong and that we need to change something.
Sadly, the world we’ve created doesn’t allow us to live as we were designed. We are scarily out of tune with our bodies, our natural cycle and nature. Many of us measure our self-worth by how much we are working and seem to forget that for most of us, when we die, none of that will matter. I realise that’s a generalisation because of course many people also find deep purpose in their everyday work. What about you though? And even if your work is your purpose, you still need time to recharge and connect with yourself. In contrast, the more hours of work we try to fit in with some crazily high standards can only lead to anxiety about the future and stress.
How do you Live with Anxiety?
I’m afraid that there’s no magic wand, no excuses to get you out of it and no one to do it for you. Yep, you have to do the work. You have to dig deep and understand where the anxiety comes from and use that to reframe you inner thoughts. Sitting around wishing it would go away doesn’t work and only turns you into a victim.
Is Anxiety your Identity?
I see so many people holding onto their anxiety because it’s the only thing they know and it helps define them. I was the same. Anxiety is an emotion though and it is not who we are. Even changing your language is a powerful first step. Instead of saying “I’m anxious”, try saying “I have anxiety”. This will help you create some mental distance with the emotion and with time, you’ll see it as something that’s separate to you and that can be removed from your experience.
Do the Work
There are lots of ways to do the work. There are so many workbooks that you can work through on your own, with some good ones listed about half way down this page. Although, this one is probably my favourite with nicely laid out exercises and this one made me laugh with its tongue in cheek approach to anxiety.
Nevertheless, we all know how hard learning to live with anxiety is. That’s why you’re usually more successful if you work with a therapist or a coach. That person can then help guide you, answer your questions and remind you when you’re being hard on yourself, as well as generally keep you on track. Of course it’s a tough journey and there will be times when it will feel hopeless. Having a trained partner gives you the support and psychological safety you need to continue.
In the meantime though, here are a few points to get you started:
1- Schedule time to play out the scenarios and write a risk mitigation plan
This one might sound strange to many people and some might even disagree. These are only ideas though and you need to find what works for you. Having said that, anxiety involves thinking about the future whereas depression is usually focused on the past. We can therefore use that to our advantage when it comes to anxiety.
As a highly anxious person, I’ll go through all the many possible scenarios that could happen in the future. Some of you might relate to that. If that’s you then you might find it helpful to write down all your scenarios and include a contingency plan next to each of them. Then, imagine the positives for each of those outcomes and what life might be like instead of focusing on the negatives. If you feel up to it, you can then also include another column for each scenario and write down how likely you think it will happen on a scale of 1 to 10. That can be a useful way to remind ourselves that some of our imagined scenarios are pretty unlikely.
2- Ground yourself and find a hobby
Here’s a lovely worksheet with a few grounding techniques that can help pull you out of a panic attack. My favourite is the 5-4-3-2-1 exercise where you name 5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell and 1 that you can taste. With practice, you’ll find it easier to step out of your mind and better live with anxiety.
Most of us forget to use our senses in our day-to-day because we generally rely only on information that’s in our minds. Sadly, our minds though are the least trustworthy and yet, we believe everything that’s going on in there. In fact, neuroscience now tells us that everything in our minds is an illusion so listen to your other senses to balance out your thoughts a bit more. That’s a blog for another day but in the meantime, start a hobby that involves your hands and creativity and watch yourself step out of your mind, even for a short time.
3- Find your present
I love that Sarah Wilson in her book says that if you have anxiety then meditation is non-negotiable. It doesn’t mean that you have to do it well or become an expert. All it means is that you sit with yourself and connect with your body. With time, it will help you step out of your mind and rely more on your senses. Also, sometimes it helps to remind ourselves that in this very second, there’s usually nothing to worry about.
Of course, meditating with anxiety is going be tough. It’s hard to stay focused on something when our thoughts are constantly telling us how terrifying the world is. Again, it depends on what works for you, but sometimes a mantra can help keep us focused. Saying something to yourself repeatedly calms your other thoughts and also helps reframe your mindset into a positive view. Find the one that you like but I sometimes use these ones:
- 1- What will be, will be and there’s a solution for everything
- 2- This will pass – let it be
- 3- I am enough and I can cope with whatever comes
- 4- One day at a time
Where are you going next?
Ask yourself if you truly want to let go of your anxiety. Could you be holding onto it because it’s all you know? I realise this is a tough question but it’s a bit like giving up smoking. It took me a long time to discover that for myself but you’ll only do the work when you really believe in a life without anxiety. Change comes from deep within so listen to the language you use and the actions you take when it comes to anxiety. Are you ready to ask for help, whether in a the form of a workbook or a person, and to take the next step and live more easily with anxiety?
