One of my most powerful aha moments on my journey of self healing was when I suddenly understood that I could observe my thoughts rather than be them. To observe and challenge our thoughts is actually one of the main concepts from Buddhism. Interestingly, it only really became a ‘thing’ in modern psychology thanks to Dr. Stephen Hayes and his Acceptance Commitment Therapy. But why does observing your thoughts help you stop suffering so finding peace and balance?
Defusing your Mind
Much of our daily suffering is because we attach ourselves and our identities to our thoughts. “I’m not good enough”; “I’m fat”; “I’m bad”. Whatever it is, we all have our list of such judgemental thoughts. Are they helpful though?
One of the simplest techniques is to simply say to yourself “I am having the thought that I’m …”. That way, you step back from the thought and become the observer and the thought loses its power over you. It then doesn’t matter if it’s true or not but what you replace it with. What if you could replace it with a positive thought that’s actually going to motivate you to achieve the change you want to happen? Only you know what that thought can be because it has to be linked to your inner values in order to motivate you.
Stop Suffering and Let go of your Beliefs and Unhelpful Stories
If we hold onto our thoughts that are telling us that we’re bad then it’s very difficult to change or move forwards, nigh on impossible. The first step is to observe the thought and then connect to your emotions linked to that thought. Try to find the word that best describes it. Alongside that, label the thought and call it out – is it judging or fear?
The defusion practice is to then remind yourself “I am having a thought that …” and try to picture it as a car or a cloud just passing by. Can you let it go or are you holding on to it? Sometimes I actually repeat to myself “I am not my thougths, I am not my emotions”. It doesn’t mean that I ignore my emotions but it helps me avoid them taking control over me.
You are not your Thoughts
Most of us are addicted to our thoughts and stories. Of course, they’re not all bad but have a go at being the observer and with time, you’ll start seeing them as less powerful. One of my favourite metaphors, although I can’t remember where it came from, is comparing your thoughts to saliva. We have absolutely no control over saliva but we can manage it. It’s the same with thoughts, they’re going to pop into our consciousness whether we like it or not because that’s what the brain does. The question is, can you manage them and let them go or do they control you?
It does mean that you’ll need to be curious about your thoughts in order to stop suffering. You’ll also have to challenge some core beliefs that you hold. Do the work though and you’ll soon wonder how you ever coped before.
