I remember trying to call my husband a few nights after he moved out to stay with his cousin when our separation started. Even though it was a mutual decision, it’s hard to describe the pain and the emotions that overwhelmed me when his cousin, also a friend of mine, kindly and gently explained to me that my husband didn’t want to talk and that I should just leave it for now. So started my journey of personal growth and patience.

It was beyond anything I’d ever felt and yet I’d already experienced the trauma of boarding school and a dysfunctional family. The pain was like an explosion whilst wearing a straitjacket. I wanted to punch through the wall and be the wall at the same time. I actually broke the house phone and pulled it out of the wall in the process. I wanted it all to just go away. I wanted to melt into nothingness and yet, this was the beginning of my true personal growth and learning patience and appreciation of the journey.  

Appreciation of the Personal Growth Journey …. and Patience 

It’s hard to explain to someone who is going through that same pain of divorce that they need to feel the pain in order to lessen it and to accept it. Feeling the pain helps you connect with your emotions in order to understand them and yourself. The more we resist then the more we suffer partly because we are wasting energy resisting and partly because we are not looking forwards. However, we have a choice to accept the pain, be kind to ourselves during our personal growth with patience to learn the lessons we need to learn. Whilst this is painful learning, it’s still learning and there is a certain beauty in that process. 

1- Curiosity about the Journey

For me, that pain made me finally stop and look at my whole life. I did the lifeline exercise and with my coach, I realised how my childhood trauma had led up to this ‘break’. Something was bound to give at some point. And yet, I finally learnt how much more was going on inside me. I became curious and intrigued about what my experiences had created and who I’d become.

Did I want to be that person? It turns out that no, I didn’t. The good news was that I didn’t need to be that person. I could actually work on discovering my own values and who I was. That journey has had many ups and downs and twists and turns but actually, it never ends. And there are some fun points and some learning points and some beautiful people who came along the way. As someone a lot more famous than me once said, when you stop learning, the journey ends. I’m not ready for my journey to end. I have a lot more to learn and a lot more to share. 

How can you cultivate curiosity about your life and who you are? Ask questions, read and try new hobbies and there so many classes and groups online these days. Ask about people’s beliefs and opinions… people love talking about themselves and you’ll be introduced to a different way of viewing the world. It’s intriguing.

2- Be Present – Don’t Wish Your Life Away 

Do you remember being in your teens and wishing you could fast forward to being a free and independent adult? Now do you sometimes find yourself wishing you were a care-free child again? Whilst most of us would not go back to our teen years, they were an important part of growing up. And there were some good times. Just like now, there are good times and there are not so good times. The sooner we accept that pain is a part of life then the sooner we can actually enjoy the good times without dreading the tough times.

I realise that’s easier said than done which is why the practice of mindfulness is so powerful. By being present you are more likely to enjoy the small things in life and to be grateful for what you have. Awareness allows us to pause and see reality for what it is. 

My favourite simple exercise is the 5-4-3-2-1 exercise:  Name 5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel, 3 things you can hear, 2 you can smell and 1 that you can taste. 

3- Cultivating Patience … and Making More Time

I used to be one of those people who was constantly speeding through the corridors and tapping my foot in a queue. I was so proud of how fast I could walk and how fast I could do most things. And yet, I was missing so many details and so many people passed me by. If I’d had a little more patience then some of my relationships might not have ended so abruptly. 

It’s an interesting paradox that if we slow down, we in fact achieve more and it feels as if we have more time. We haven’t changed anything but we have changed our relationship with time. By slowing down we naturally prioritise better and give ourselves space to recharge so we actually do things more effectively. By noticing the details and people around us, we can actually spot more opportunities and listen to the world around us. We’re more in tune. We appreciate life and we are kinder to ourselves. 

Unfortunately, the world around us is impatient. Practicing kindness and compassion helps us be more patient both with ourselves and with others. Patience and kindness also start with awareness. You can do the 5-4-3-2-1 exercise or you can imagine you are dealing with a close friend. Are we not patient with our friends? 

And in fact, impatience only hurts us in the long run. But the benefits of personal growth and patience are long-lasting. From contentment to better relationships. After all, isn’t that we’re all really looking for?