Do you always land on your feet or are you always complaining about the tribulations of life? Do you even know what your tendency is? I definitely used to be in the complainer camp although I never realised it. Interestingly, I also always landed on my feet. It’s like I had two personas where one was the doom and gloom of life and the other one seized all opportunities. With time, I let go of the victim persona and you can too. You can also learn ways to make your own luck.
Perception Bias
We all have biases and our minds like to focus on the negative ones with the aim to protect you from harm. Whilst this made sense back when we were living in caves, it’s less helpful today. We still carry our biases though, one of which is how we perceive others’ lives compared to ours.
If you tend to scroll through social media thinking how lucky everyone is based on their photos then your perception bias is in action. You’re only viewing a fraction of the information about the people you’re judging and you’re jumping to the conclusion that luck did everything for them. Without knowing the effort and even pain it took them to get there, you’re missing a critical piece of the puzzle.
Another way this bias can come into play is when you conclude you can’t make your own luck. Perhaps you’ve had a series of unlucky events in your life and you tell yourself that there’s nothing you can do about it. Falling into that vicious cycle of helplessness only makes things worse because you close in on yourself and become blind to potential opportunities. Simply by thinking that you can’t make your own luck, you’ve made it into your reality.
What Makes People Lucky?
Psychologist Richard Wiseman has been studying luck for some time and published a book in 2003 called The Luck Factor. During his research, Wiseman discovered four principles that seem to be part of lucky people’s lives.
These factors are summarised in his article but are essentially the ability to see and grab opportunities, the power to listen to gut instinct, the belief that luck is innate and the capacity to recover from and turnaround any bad luck. The idea is that you make your own luck by reframing what’s happening to you.
Looking back, I always assumed I was lucky because I worked hard. Whilst there might be some merit to that assumption, as this article suggests, perhaps it’s more because I always pick myself up quickly when things go wrong. I also always say yes, within reason of course, and I dare to ask.
So, when I was made redundant as I was going through my divorce, it felt like the end of the world. I remember going to group therapy as I learnt about my codependency and wondering if this would ever end. Simultaneously, I thought “I need to do something differently”. I dared to ask a friend for some introductions into the music industry and I later also said yes to drinks with someone I’d randomly met for 20 minutes. Not only did I organise some very successful music nights with a strong following in London for several years but I then got to move to Singapore. 11 years later and I’m still in Asia living the life I’ve always dreamed of with the support of friends I’ve known for 25 years. For me, that’s the luckiest and most amazing thing I could ever wish for.
Anxiety or Optimism?
Interestingly, unlucky people tend to be highly anxious as this article explains. It makes sense if you think of anxiety as being so overwhelming such that it shuts down your brain because you’re basically in a constant state of fight or flight.
Bizarrely, I’ve always thought of myself as someone with anxiety but I’m also always lucky. Perhaps I was actually highly strung. Yes, I have OCD when I leave the house and I over-worry about my family’s safety but that actually drives me to focus on doing the best for them. I’ve always been exceedingly optimistic so that also motivates me and helps me be resilient.
So, how did I lower my type A, or highly strung personality? And how can you also be more optimistic?
Mindfulness and meditation were revolutionary for me. It doesn’t mean that I have a blank mind but it does mean that I’m much more at ease with the spectrum of human emotions. With mindfulness, you can more easily let go of the ‘bad luck’ stories and truly accept what you can’t control whilst you look around for the next opportunity. You basically feel grateful for being here and experiencing life.
Optimism means that you believe in possibilities and that you can find a way out of any situation. It’s very connected to having a growth mindset where you believe that you can learn anything you put your mind to. Sometimes that means reframing your thinking such that you stop telling yourself “I can’t” and change it to “I can” or “there’s always a solution”. I was lucky that my father always said that to me and it’s definitely helped me through some tough patches.
How Can You Make Your Own Luck?
Part of this is sometimes not over planning or overthinking. Yes, that’s easier said than done but being around people who operate like that can be inspiring and supportive. Actually, one of the first things to do is to limit your interactions with negative people. That sounds harsh I know but you can’t fix other people, sadly.
1- Dare to explore
Develop your curiosity by getting into the habit of asking questions. What’s going on around you and what’s driving people to behave as they are? What can you learn from this? How can you find something to be grateful for? How can you say yes, I will try?
2- Be silly and sociable
One of the key traits of so-called lucky people is that they talk to anyone and everyone. A practical trick is to sit at the bar when you’re waiting to meet someone or you’re simply out on your own. People are more likely to chat to you at the bar than if you’re hiding away at a table. Also, humour and silliness is fun and people are attracted to that. You never know who you’re going to meet.
3- Altruism
Helping others makes us feel good. It also gives us perceptive which promotes resilience. Moreover, you’ll meet some amazing people who also care about something bigger than themselves. It’s those people who will open new ways of thinking and allow you to make your own luck.
What Are You Going to Do to Make Your Own Luck?
Now it’s your turn. What can you change about your thinking so you can make your own luck? Can you go out on your own and see who you meet? What about joining a local volunteer group? This will enable you to become more optimistic as you build your resilience and open your experience to welcoming new opportunities. With time, you’ll believe that you’re lucky and then, luck will naturally follow as will happiness.
