I have many clients who want a quick fix to their problems but you don’t magically get self-esteem overnight. Anxiety doesn’t just dissolve on its own. Of course, we would all love a magic wand but what would life be like afterwards? Is it really the journey or the destination that’s the most interesting?
Journey versus Destination
In most of today’s society, we’re constantly fed instant gratification. On top of that, we’re all expected to have awe-inspiring goals where we’ll leave our mark on history. Whilst there’s nothing wrong with that, it can cause unnecessary pressure and stress.
Yes, it’s good to have goals and ambitions to give you some direction in life but don’t underestimate how critical the journey is versus the destination. The journey is all about learning and making mistakes. Even when we travel and we get to a new place, the destination becomes a journey in its own way. We explore new restaurants, streets and buildings. We learn about other cultures and different food. Again, we’re learning.
If we simply get to our destination and stop learning, surely we stop living? Once your curiosity about the world around you dies, something within you gives up. As this research shows, curiosity positively impacts our well-being because it encourages us to act proactively.
Curiosity offers many more benefits including deepening our relationships with others by being more empathic. After all, if we’re curious about people and their ailments, we’re more likely to understand them and support them. Again, that deepens our connections whilst also making us feel good because we’ve helped someone.
Being too Goal-Focused
If you’re only ever interested in goals, usually, you can’t even stop and congratulate yourself. You never get the chance to enjoy the rewards because you’re constantly looking for the next thing. This can be linked to issues such as perfectionism but also because you’re simply trying to fill a void.
Many of us float through life without really knowing what we want. The tragedy of this is that we follow other people’s goals and try to live by their values. These are often success, wealth and fame although of course, there are other values within our societies. Either way, feeling lost and empty can sometimes force you to keep chasing goals because they seem obvious and easy to define. Sadly, you end up being more like a dog chasing his tail.
Happiness doesn’t come from creating a long list of achievements. Of course this helps but you also need to look inside. What are your values and what’s your purpose in life – check out ikagai if you haven’t already? Why are you following all these goals and who are they for? If you’re always looking to the future, life will pass you by and one day you’ll realise that the future has run out.
Appreciating the Journey
It’s hard to start shifting from focusing on the destination but the change in focus is possible with patience and self-compassion.
1- Growth mindset
Life can throw nasty surprises at all of us and it’s easy to get lost in despair. Adopting a growth mindset means changing your belief statements. So, rather than telling yourself you’ll never get there or, it’s too hard, tell yourself that with work and effort, you can reach your goals and learn along the way. People with a growth mindset believe that learning will help them achieve what they want.
Of course, you still have goals but you appreciate the learning experience with curiosity. The journey becomes exciting because every moment is a moment of discovery about yourself and your world. Every experience teaches us something no matter how small. The more you can celebrate each lesson, the more you’ll enjoy the journey rather than obsess about the destination.
2- Present moment
If you haven’t heard of mindfulness yet, there’s no better way to forget the past and ignore the future for a moment. When you’re fully present, you experience each moment with all your senses and not just with your thinking mind. You’re connected to life.
Just like a dog sees the world through his nose so we see the world through our thoughts. Learning to use all our senses takes practice and will probably feel odd and tedious at first because the mind doesn’t want to let go of its top position as the expert in interpreting the world. Regardless, it’s worth it because you’ll step away from your worries, rumination and anxieties for a short moment. You’ll appreciate the journey and forget the destination for that short moment.
3- Daily goals and rewards
We all need goals to get through life. What about smaller daily goals though? By ticking them off we also get a dopamine hit in our brains that gives us a feel-good boost. Add rewards to that and you’ll be giving yourself a natural chemical boost. Even a journey has its small steps and the best way to enjoy them is to make the most of our pitstops.
How Are You Going to Start Enjoying the Journey?
Whether you choose to focus on the present moment or look at the journey with curiosity about what you can learn, there’s something for everyone. Make your life easier by breaking down your major goals into smaller ones and don’t make the mistake of forgetting your rewards. You’ll only wear yourself down and lose hope as, deep down, your motivation dwindles.
Instead, observe each moment in the journey as a learning opportunity and savour getting to know yourself and your world that much more. As a wise person, most probably Einstein, once said, “the day we stop learning is the day we die”.
