If you’re new to self-care and better acquainted with partying or distracting yourself then self-care can seem boring. Our minds love instant gratification but you can make your mind fall in love with self-care too, in a good way. So, let’s make self-care fun!
Why is Self-Care so Hard?
Assuming that self-care isn’t already part of your routine then any change in habits is hard. Neuroscientists have now shown that every habit we have follows a particular neural circuit which is then difficult to change. The good news is that it can be re-wired with time and patience. Unfortunately, most of us try to do that by judging or berating ourselves.
You know that little voice inside that tells you that you’re so lazy because you didn’t make it to the gym? How about the other one who calls you a slob because you had a piece of chocolate? Launching into a self-care routine with those internal voices is nigh on impossible. If you want a chance at success, you need to inject some self-compassion as Kristen Neff explains.
Self-Care and Balanced Approach
Another problem is that we start trying to take on self-care habits that we’re just not motivated to do. Clearly, that sounds obvious but, for example, if you try to go to the gym because that’s what everyone else does, you could be missing your true desire. Have you thought about other ways of exercising that actually match up with what you love to do? You need to develop an intrinsic motivation for self-care habits that line up with your values and life dreams.
With intrinsic motivation, you also need a balanced approach to life. Self-care covers 8 dimensions overall, as described in one of my previous blogs, which means you could be missing important aspects that you need at your very core. Imagine you’ve got the perfect workout routine with a great house but a job that makes you miserable? No amount of self-care is going to get you out of your rut.
Values
This actually ties back into intrinsic motivation. Our lives are a web of experiences, feelings and thoughts and just like we need to take care of ourselves as holistic beings so we need to know what’s happening in all aspects of our lives. Sometimes, that means focusing on our social connections or learning something new.
Whatever it is, make sure it aligns with your values. Anything that doesn’t align with your values creates an internal disconnect such that you could even maybe end up in experiential avoidance. That’s when you start numbing yourself with unhealthy habits from over-eating, over-working and other forms of addiction.
Make Self-Care Fun
Changing our habits is hard but it is possible with some of these ideas. First though, you need to know that the brain needs help re-wiring new habits. The easiest approach is to link your new habit to something you already do as part of your routine. This then cues up the new habit. So, you might use having a shower or putting the kettle on as a reminder to do your yoga session. To reinforce it, you follow up with a reward whether it’s a cup of tea or watching your favourite series. Remember there’s nothing wrong with watching a series as long as it doesn’t become a binge session.
Secondly, think about these mindset changes:
1- Find your intrinsic motivation
What do you find enjoyable and satisfying such that you feel positive afterwards? Do you have some skills you didn’t realise you had in salsa classes, for instance? When do you get in the flow such that you lost track of time? You’re experiencing something fulfilling because you’re applying your skills and some of your values … try to look out for those moments as these will give you a clue for how to link your new self-care habits.
2- Practice self-compassion
This can be hard at first especially if, like me, you were brought up in an environment where nothing was ever good enough. Being hard on ourselves is actually counter-productive but it takes time to change. Again, it’s a habit thing.
The best way to start with self-compassion is to imagine a friend talking to you and encouraging you. I’ve also found the self-esteem journal very helpful as a way to boost confidence in yourself so you realise you don’t have to be so hard on yourself. You are good enough and that’s more than anyone can ever do at any moment in time.
3- Discover fun
We can all make self-care fun for ourselves. The first part of that is to let go of societal expectations and do things because we want to and not because we should. Even watching a film or having a day off to watch your favourite series is perfectly valid. You just need to not do it every day.
What about taking yourself out for dinner? This might feel daunting at first but learning to spend time with ourselves helps us appreciate who we are and what we offer to the world. In fact, there are many ideas you can try out. Just make sure you find something across all aspects including emotional, social, sensory, creativity as well as physical.
How are you Going to Make Self-Care Fun for you?
Get your pen out and write out your list of where you’re going to start. This will also release some feel-good dopamine hormones when you later tick an item off the list. So, discover your values and find your intrinsic motivation and be curious about what fun can look like. Don’t forget your self-compassion and suddenly everything will just flow.
