Is your day planned to the nth detail and do you find yourself never pausing or even slowing down? I used to the be that person with so much crammed into every second. Did I really achieve loads or did I just do lots of things in halves? Actually, I made so many mistakes and got myself into such a highly strung state of mind that I’m pretty sure I was nightmare to anyone within a few feet of me. Learning to go with the flow was definitely a journey and a process but so worth it.

Time for Impatience or For a Pause?

Ok, so I’m not saying that my impatience has completely disappeared. Although, today, I do find it much easier to ground myself and observe the space around me when I’m waiting for something or someone. I would also never have believed this a few years ago but I actually get more done now that I have more pauses in my day and a calmer approach to life. 

Too Much Structure?

Yep, I much prefer to go with the flow these days. It doesn’t mean that I don’t like having an outline of a plan and a bit of structure. However, if things change and evolve along the way because of what’s going on around me then I like to think I’m adapting to external feedback. 

Clearly, we all need some structure to get things done but have our minds taken over our emotions a bit too much? We live in the belief that logical reason is the only way forwards and yet, neuroscience now tells us that wise decisions involve both logic as well as emotions. It really does seem that we are physical beings and not just floating brains. So why are we still fighting it?

Flow

I’m not actually referring to what Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi refers to as being in Flow, although it is part of it. When the psychologist talks about Flow, he means the psychological state of being completely absorbed in an activity. As a very brief summary, this happens because you’re using your skills in a way that matches your values. Then again, I’m talking about relaxing into a process such that you’re not overly concerned about the structure. Letting go of having everything perfectly established and being in balance with your environment and people around you also helps get you into that mental state of effortless, ease and hence flow.

Disembodied Living

When did we become so disembodied? These days most people are stuck in their cycles of mental chatter and have no idea what their bodies are feeling. By ignoring our emotions and not listening to our bodies, we cut off a huge part of who we are such that we are out of balance. And when we’re out of balance, we cling onto things like structure because the alternative is terrifying. Letting go of control and certainty is something that most of us can’t and won’t ever be able to do. The sad truth is that it’s all an illusion. Whatever we do and however much structure we try to put in place, we are never in control and nothing is certain or even permanent, for that matter. 

So how can you bring more balance and acceptance into your life? 

1- Letting go of being right 

This one was a tough one for me. I’m pretty sure it’s a tough one for everyone. It suddenly clicked for me though when I heard the phrase “it’s better to be kind than to be right”.

Putting that into action and actually keeping quiet when people were saying things, and seeing what happened, was groundbreaking for me. I started realising that we all see things from different angles and that’s ok. There actually really is no such thing as right or wrong. And then I realised that it doesn’t matter that there is a right or wrong. It was such a relief and a weight off my shoulders.

2- Letting go of perfectionism 

As I watched my colleagues prepare for a workshop, it dawned on me that they were striving for something that goes beyond even perfection. It’s making them stressed and overly concerned about the little points that no one is ever going to notice. As a recovering perfectionist myself, I could see the signs of the strong emotions building up in them, driven by a fear of failure. 

Letting go of perfectionism is hard though. Let’s not pretend otherwise. Most of our cultures are built on the concept of no failure and no mistakes. But imagine a world where everyone was perfect? Wouldn’t it be boring and tedious? 

In the end, I did the cost benefit analysis on perfectionism i.e. what were the benefits and the costs of my perfectionism. It’s a great exercise that I then followed with months of focused journaling. Try these prompts if you’re willing:

• How do your flaws benefit you? 
• What do your flaws teach you? 
• What are you grateful for? (This one helps the negative thinking that usually comes with perfectionism)
• How have your so-called failures or mistakes benefited you? 

Final Musings for Letting Go

We all have our different ways of doing things. I had to learn the hard way that what I thought was planned and structured was actually how I was imposing my way of doing things. I was trying to control others and hence the world. Not only is it impossible but it’s also not fair on others or ourselves. We end up putting so much pressure on ourselves that we either end up breaking or getting caught up in unhealthy coping habits. 

We all now how hard it is to change habits but try connecting with your inner child. You can also start with baby steps but have a try at going with the flow. Have a go at not planning your morning for once or going into a meeting with only the goal in mind and no plan for how to get there. See what happens when you listen to others and follow their way of getting there. Sometimes going with others’ flow can teach us so much. Then, with time, you’ll find you’re much more at peace with yourself and with others. What’s more, you’ll be accepting the world for what it is and people for who they are. And you’ll have more fun.