It’s funny how caught up we our with our ego. And I don’t mean that in a bad way because it’s just how our brains are designed. I’m reading Oliver Sacks’ “On the Move” book where he talks very openly about his life as well as his work in neurology and his love of story-telling, which I find so inspiring. His life was clearly meaningful and I find myself envying him and the impact that he had.
I would love to be able to produce the books and articles that Sacks has left behind. He also made such a difference to his patients during a time when people with mental illnesses were usually hidden away and scorned. The ego part of me hopes that I can do something similar. But does it matter if I’m as well known as Sacks? Of course not. I actually finally feel that at last my life is meaningful.
Finally Some Meaning in Life
It’s taken a few decades but working with dogs and coaching and teaching mindfulness finally feels right. Not that I regret anything before as it gave me the experience and knowledge I needed but I finally feel that my life is meaningful, rather than just going through the motions. Perhaps also in my small world, I can make an impact with the dogs I nurse or people I coach. Can I make their lives that much more comfortable? Can I contribute to us understanding more about ourselves? Even better, respecting all species as equally important creatures on this planet? I hope so.
Transcending the Ego
True meaning in life should transcend the ego. As spiritual teacher Adyashanti reminds us in Falling from Grace, perhaps your life would be meaningful by simply spreading love and compassion to those around you without necessarily becoming famous. But there is that little voice in us that screams to be famous, to leave a legacy after we’ve gone. “Make your life meaningful”, it says, “and everyone will love you and remember you”.
But we need to find the right thing otherwise we just create frustration for ourselves. It’s really about losing our identities, our beliefs, and awakening to the world as it is and us contributing to that universal consciousness. Isn’t it more “meaningful” to improve humanity as a whole, live according to our values, than to leave behind a name of an entity that existed during such a fleeting moment?
The Emptiness
If you listen closely, do you hear that emptiness inside? That void where your ego’s voice echos – you must leave behind a legacy? Only then have you truly lived. And yet, do you find yourself striving for something but you’re not sure what? You seem lost and frustrated and stuck in that grind. I felt like that for years. I was living someone else’s life. Someone else’s dream.
The clues all came together
And then things started lining up and it suddenly made sense for me to do my psychology diploma, yoga and mindfulness certifications and most importantly, give up my corporate life with all its so-called benefits. Yes, I was going to work with animals but I also needed to fund myself being able to care for them in rescue shelters. It’s not easy everyday but I’m finally using my skills as aligned with my values. Finally the bad days are totally bearable and I actually look forward to my weeks starting on Sundays. That sunday night feeling has gone.
Mark Manson phrased it very cleverly in his blog and it’s so true that we often knew what we loved and wanted to do when we were innocent children. Somehow, across the years, expectations, cultural pressures and our own egos started ‘telling us what to do’. Yes, there are still bad days but when you know that you’re working on something you’re passionate about then the bad days are just small glitches.
It sounds easy on paper but how do we find this meaningful thing to do:
1- Values
Understanding our values and how to live our lives according to those values is probably the first step. It was for me. It was a slight shock when I finally worked through my values with this worksheet and realised that adventure, curiosity, learning and altruism were no where near my day to day. I was coaching people which helped me find some peace but there was so much more I needed to do.
2- Strengths
My favourite book for this is still The Strengths Book which is a very practical guide of different strengths, what it feels to have them and what kind of occupations they fit.
3- When do you lose yourself?
It’s annoying when others say it but it’s too true to miss out – do something you’re passionate about. I think we get sidetracked by leisure activities and forget that we can also have fun whilst working. The key is that you tend to enjoy something you’re good. Perhaps think about those moments in life when ‘work’ has come easily and you’ve essentially found ‘flow’. Pinpointing these moments can be hard and working with a coach can be helpful.
4- What frustrates you with the world?
Altruism is a great way to find meaning in life but you can also find meaning in simply making things better for your fellow humans. It doesn’t have to be complicated but we are often interested in fixing things that frustrate us. We get satisfaction from the fact that we’ve noticed something and then we fixed it.
5- Seek Feedback
All feedback is subjective but if you ask enough people then you do get a certain picture. It can be a great way to find out your blind spots as sometimes we don’t realise that we have natural talents in certain areas.
