As I felt the tears triggered by the smallest problem the other day, I realised that my last hospital trip with my dog had overwhelmed me. Living with cancer is challenging at the best of times but then add financial strain and travel weariness and it’s no wonder I was feeling overwhelmed. Rather than fall victim to it though, we can reorientate the mind more positively.
Healthy Anxiety
As I observed myself feeling overwhelmed, my slightly anxious mind instantly jumped to the conclusion that I’m too neurotic and that it needs to stop. I then smiled to myself as I remembered several people I’d recently helped out of their cycle of needing to be this or that.
We really do create our own suffering. Anxiety is simply a message and yes, we can all improve ourselves. It doesn’t mean I have to berate myself because of it. Instead, I can take the learning and motivation to act positively.
We all worry at times and it’s perfectly normal. Anxiety becomes a problem though when it’s persistent and stops you from functioning properly. It can then develop into other issues such as depression or neuroticism.
What about normal and healthy anxiety? We all need a certain amount of neuroticism if we want to keep a realistic awareness of ourselves. I don’t know about you but I don’t want to be that arrogant know-it-all who annoys everyone. Having a healthy self-critique practice generally helps us to keep examining and developing ourselves.
How to Manage Feeling Overwhelmed
The downside is when anxiety or neuroticism stops you from seeing other viewpoints because you’re too caught up in your dramas. Although, some neurotics ease their pain by being overly attentive to others. In general, this helps increase empathy but wise generosity is key. If you give too much of yourself away, in the long run, you erode your needs and you lose your authenticity. Essentially, you come across as needy.
Instead, you can get to know the negative thoughts that get you feeling overwhelmed. As mindfulness guru Jack Kornfield explains, you can then transform difficult thoughts by using compassion. First, you listen to the thoughts, thank them for warning you and replace the thought with something along the lines of “I care for myself one day at a time and I have the resources to get through this”.
Another powerful technique still being explored is your relationship to the anxiety as well as your mindset. You’ll experience it very differently if you tell yourself that this anxiety is simply an emotion to motivate you and force you to act where you might be reticent. In fact, this study shows that using anxiety as a source of energy can reduce the impact of stress and emotional exhaustion.
Tips to Practice Daily
You’ll know for yourself how debilitating anxiety is for you and clearly, in some cases, the best option is to work with a therapist. Although, if you want more insight into neuroticism, this Big Five Personality Test is a useful check-in. The Big 5 traits were originally developed in 1949 and are well-established in western psychology fields although more recent studies have shown their usefulness in Asia also.
All this means is that you are in control of your well-being and you don’t have to accept so-called personality traits such as neuroticism. In Buddhism, people meet anxiety with meditation and compassion. The idea is to practice sitting with difficult emotions. With time and patience, we learn our habits of anxiety so that we can learn new ones.
Of course, there are other things you can do before you try meditation:
1- Ground yourself
You might have to practice before you’re feeling overwhelmed because it’s very difficult to stop intrusive thoughts when you’re actually experiencing them. So, start practising when you feel calm and connect with your body. With time, this will become second nature and you’ll naturally revert to this state when feeling overwhelmed.
You can use any variety of grounding techniques. The aim for each of them is to take your mind away from its negative cycle and to let it focus on the present moment instead. You can use your body or your environment, or both, to get you into the present and away from the never-ending time travel and scenario creation the mind likes to do.
2- Use insight
Self-reflection isn’t just powerful to help us respond to our mistakes. It’s also a way to accept what you can and what you can’t control. Another way to use insight is to ask yourself questions that pause your automatic thoughts. For example, “is this thought helpful?” Alternatively, “what is triggering this thought and is it under my control”? Or “what other possible outcomes could there be?”
All this is to help you step back, take perspective and gain insight into your behaviour. Is this behaviour who you want to be or is it governed by your anxiety? Then, it’s easier to get into problem-solving with a clear mind.
3- What do I need?
As mentioned, anxiety is a messenger that something is wrong or needs to change. This isn’t always easy to see but again, with time and patience, you can start understanding your deeper motivations.
We all have needs and sometimes these are either violated or ignored. So, for example, you could be anxious because you’re not feeling safe in a conversation. Alternatively, you could be subconsciously questioning your self-worth in a work project which is triggering your anxiety. Sometimes, just asking yourself the question “what need am I not attending to” can help you calm down as you find ways to adjust and meet your need.
Act Now When Feeling Overwhelmed
Don’t wait until you’re next feeling overwhelmed. You’ll only aggravate the emotions as you’ll probably end up giving yourself more negative self-talk including that you should be able to deal with these emotions. It isn’t helpful thought and only depresses you further.
Start practising now to ground yourself and to ask yourself questions about what’s going on around you. The more you understand your needs, the better you can find ways to have them met. In itself, that’s a huge part of reducing the feeling of being overwhelmed. Why not have fun with it and get curious about your feelings throughout the day and all the positive moments when your needs are fully met?
