Do you ever have those knots in your stomach with that awful feeling that you should have done something differently? The problem is that you’re not sure what you’ve done wrong, if anything. It’s sad to think that many of us carry feelings of guilt when we haven’t done anything at all. We’re so hard on ourselves and we’ve simply learnt that we should be doing better so we must have done something wrong. However, we haven’t and there are ways for dealing with guilt that comes from nowhere.

Differences between Men and Women in Dealing with Guilt

I hate to name a cliché but unfortunately many of our societies nurture women who feel guilt more easily than men. They’ve actually done studies to show this although you might wonder why this is so. Perhaps it’s because many societies still assume women are responsible for children? Many adverts and films show women “having it all”, as if that’s even possible. How can you have a demanding career, bring up children and keep fit and healthy all at the same time? I definitely don’t know how. I’d love to be proven wrong but we have a finite amount of energy. However, many of us are brought up with that goal in mind and so, we feel guilty when we fall short.

Do we Really Have Choice?

The studies also show that women feel even more guilty between the ages of 40 and 50. Oh joy. Surely we should be in a better frame of mind by that age because we know ourselves better? Hopefully by then we’ve also had some say in how we live our lives. Of course, the study is a generalisation and we could perhaps sadly conclude that many women are not fortunate in being able to truly make a choice as to how they live. Then again, how much choice do we ever have? We are all conditioned in one way or another.

Dealing with Your Cause-Free Guilt:

Guilt is actually a very useful emotion because it drives us to make amends and apologise to people when we make mistakes. It actually helps create harmony and someone who doesn’t care about hurting other people’s feelings will soon be exiled from their group.

What about those feelings of guilt when you don’t feel good enough and yet, you’re probably more than good enough? We’re all human with our imperfections so let’s find a way for dealing with guilt with some easy tips:

Talk to your Inner Critic

That little voice in your head, sometimes portrayed as an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other, can be devastating. You might have been brought up in a high-achiever household where nothing was ever good enough. Those harsh admonishments you received as a child are still with you and will be forever unless you face them. When you get that overwhelming feeling of guilt, try to listen to your inner voice. What’s it saying to you? Can you respond calmly?

When dealing with guilt, a great exercise is “Thoughts on Trial”. On one side of the page, write down all the times when you made a mistake and on the other side, write down your counter argument showing that you are also good enough. You can then reflect on your mistakes and think about what amends you could make. We all make mistakes but the real difference is how you deal with the consequences.

Do a Puzzle

We all have mental chatter that seems endless. Sometimes referred to as our monkey brain and it can be infuriating. It can also be very appealing as we get lost in our own stories. Many pick up the practice of meditation and mindfulness to train the monkey mind but if you’re not quite ready for that yet then you can also refocus your mind on something else. Mind puzzles are great for this and they’re also brilliant for exercising your mind and keeping dementia at bay.

Be creative

Tapping into our creative side has been shown to help us relax and also to step back from our own stories. Feeling guilty means that we’re self-conscious about ourselves. Being creative highlights a different part of your brain so that you move away from ruminating and overly examining things that might or might not have happened. You’ll also create some happy chemicals in your brain such as dopamine which is both a reward and a pleasure hormone that we trigger when we daydream.You’ll also connect to your inner child which further triggers feelings of happiness.

There are many ways you could be creative from making a playlist and doodling to making something such as arts and crafts. You can also do exercise to boost your dopamine or watch a TED talk for more ideas. I personally love listening to music and making friendship bracelets.

What’s Next For You?

Maybe you’re one of those lucky people who never feel shame or self-doubt but if you’re like me then guilt hits you every now and again. The worst part is that you know you’ve nothing wrong except not being superhuman. Dealing with guilt isn’t easy and here are some of my tips for getting a more peaceful mind but what are yours? Or, what are you going to start doing next time guilt hits you for no reason at all?