Have you ever stood on one of those sand hills when it started shifting? You feel that sudden lurch in your stomach when you realise you’ve lost your grip and you’re falling. Some will stumble, regain their footing and laugh about it. Others will panic because they might have a bad knee or a bad back and they’re suddenly terrified of what the fall might do to them. All reactions are valid. And this is exactly how it feels when everything you know around you suddenly starts to shift. It can be both terrifying and overwhelming when our realities start changing. Or perhaps we want our realities to change. Either way, how do you accept a new reality such that you regain your footing and laugh about it but move on confidently? 

Changing realities often force us to reevaluate our identities. Shifting realities can be powerful triggers for us to understand our values and strengths and therefore our true selves. Are we being authentic in this reality or do we have an opportunity to let go of unhealthy habits and limiting behaviours in the new one? 

What is Identity and Why is it Relevant when we look to Accept Reality?

Essentially we are a blend of values and strengths. Of course there are blind spots and weaknesses but those will most probably never become our strengths. So we build up a personal brand around what we can offer to the universe. Those of us who get this bit right manage to develop a purpose that combines our values and strengths such that we do things we enjoy. A great tool to check your “blend success” is the Ikagai. It’s essentially about leveraging our potential to fulfil a mission or to accomplish something we feel is worthy. 

Once you have your purpose, you know what you are living for. You’re happy to accept reality, whatever it looks like, because you believe in something. Sounds rather perfect doesn’t it? Well, it is possible for all of us to find our purpose and that’s how we find peace and ease. 

So Where do we Start to Accept Reality?

1- Positive Self-View 

Many of us are hard on ourselves and are constantly berating ourselves. However, when did that ever motivate or encourage someone? Understanding and leveraging your strengths not only means you contribute more to others around but you also feel better about yourself meaning that want to do more. Positivity drives positivity. However, you have to be true to your values so try out the exercise. And then match them to how you can use your strengths. By leveraging these two, you find your purpose and then nothing else matters. You have a bigger passion to live for even when the world around you crumbles.  

2-Self-reflection – What assumptions are you making? Be curious 

We often get caught up in our thoughts and we are led by them. Meditation is a key tool to teach us to step back and observe those thoughts. With time and practice we create space so that we become the drivers, not our thoughts. However, another useful tool is journaling what is going on in our lives and in our thoughts. Journaling by hand allows us to pause and to observe our thinking patterns. We can view whether we are negative about all change or if there is an opportunity for a silver lining. Do our thoughts give us ‘all or nothing’ scenarios or do they bring curiosity about what could happen? Journaling helps cultivate curiosity about our thoughts that we can then start bringing to our daily lives, including our new realities. 

3- Self-Care 

Many of us have negative coping strategies, I know I did for decades. Whilst we might get short term gratification, the long term effects are pretty painful. Find the healthy self-care habits that work for you. Here’s a great page for ideas but I love my walks with the dogs, lighting a scented candle, reading a book and playing music, amongst other things. Life is tough and we all need to find the right activities that are caring and nourishing for us.