Once upon a time … what do those words conjure up for you? Do you think – ooh, exciting, a story? Or are you thinking, hmmmm…. Where is this going? Either way, various emotions are starting to swirl around as you anticipate the next part. Stories are powerful. You might know that by instinct but research has now also proven that we can use our stories to build resilience.
What Stories do to Our Brains and Bodies
Stories help us make sense of the world. Through them, we know that we belong to a community because they allow us to explain how we share experiences and language with other people. They also help us create our identities and a sense of who we are. That can be both a good and a bad thing because the danger is if our stories make us fixed in our belief about ourselves such that we don’t feel we can change.
Overall, stories help create emotions and they trigger the release of certain chemicals in our brains. Neuroscientist Paul Zak has done a a lot of research on how the hormone oxytocin gets released with positive stories so helping us feel trust, empathy and connectivity with others. On the flip side, a negative story tends to activate our fight or flight response system which releases cortisol. Over time, this builds stress and anxiety.
And our Immune System
Another great effect of oxytocin is that it supports your immune system by basically counteracting the impact of cortisol and getting our bodies back to balance. Of course there are other ways to boost your immune system, nicely summarised in Ivee’s blog, that include eating the right foods and getting enough sleep.
How Stories Can Build Resilience
When we transform our memories into stories, we essentially use a degree of self-reflection with some creativity. However, if your self-reflection is all doom and gloom revolving around you as the central victim of the story then it’s unlikely you’re going to motivate yourself to think positively or even change something.
If, on the other hand, you’re self-reflective enough to take a wider perspective on potentially traumatic past events and frame them as learning experiences then you’re more likely to create a flexible story. That more positive interpretation of your reality tends to support a growth mindset and desire to change. Of course it’s not easy but these are the building blocks of resilience. By creating an identity and belief that you can cope with adversity and even use it as an opportunity to learn and grow makes you a stronger person.
How Can you Use your Story to Build Resilience?
Clearly you need patience and self-compassion to re-write your stories. Sometimes you might even need someone else’s help. In fact, having strong resilience includes knowing how to leverage the strength of your support network. However much we think we can, we simply can’t do everything alone.
1- Create a picture life story board
A great way to start, that’s also a lot of fun, is to make a pictorial interpretation of your story. What are the key defining events throughout your life? Even if you can’t remember the details, can you remember the feelings and how you got through them? Can you identity different phases and what these could look like visually?
To do the exercise you can of course draw but you can also cut out images from magazines or even get them online. For example, you can type into a website, like Unsplash, the words that seem most relevant to describe a particular event of your life. See what images come up and if anything resonates with you. And then create your collage.
2- The story isn’t over – make yourself the Hero
As you reflect on the collage of your life, what comes to mind? Do you feel proud or disheartened? What’s missing or perhaps needs to change? What have you learnt throughout your life and how can you use this to keep moving forwards?
And now for the challenge – can you redo the collage with everything interpreted in a positive light? How does a positive hero rewrite the same story?
The Never Ending Stories to Build Resilience
We’re always so desperate to arrive somewhere that we forget that our journey only ends when we depart this world. It’s not about getting that house or car and then you’ll be happy. It’s about finding internal contentment with respect to your interaction with the world. Your story should reflect this, along with your values, such that you’re proud of it because it’s who you want to be. If you’re not, then this is your opportunity to re-write your story with a new positive interpretation. Be the hero you want to be.
