Feeling jolly or miserable? Christmas can conjure up a maelstrom of emotions that for many, especially if you don’t have children, it might be a relief that it’s all over. So, why do we keep such rituals going if all it does is create Christmas stress? 

Transform Yourself With Rituals 

Whilst we no longer conduct sacrifices to ancient pagan gods, we still decorate our houses. Traditionally, this was in the hope of generating a good harvest the following year. Today, it’s more about creating a joyful spirit and inviting friends and family to admire our houses. Through such gatherings, we connect and strengthen our ties with other people. 

Scientist and author, Caitlin O’Connell, talks about the transformative power of rituals because of how they calm the mind. Rituals don’t have to be sinister or cult-like but can be as simple as your Christmas dinner habits. How you connect with others and share your challenges and successes from the year is a form of belonging. 

According to this paper on the psychology of rituals, they go much further than just social connection. They also provide a structure for regulating emotions and even defining performance goal states. In general, rituals remind you that you have similar values to those around you and that there is a future. Or perhaps they let you momentarily forget the pain of being human and mortal?

So, why do some rituals, such as the end of year holidays, create Christmas stress? Everyone is different but for some, it might be a stark reminder that you’re no longer aligned with your family’s values. To others, it just represents a gaping hole of loneliness. This is only accentuated by social media and the flurry of happy Christmas photos. 

How can you leverage the power of rituals despite Christmas stress:

• Learn to appreciate alone time – this won’t be easy at first as your mind will resist telling you that you need to be busy with other people. Instead, try out new experiences such as reading or even taking photos around your neighbourhood. Creativity is a great way to connect with yourself. 

• Develop your own at-home rituals – who says you can’t connect with yourself during Christmas? Light some candles, put on your favourite music and eat your best food. Think of it almost like having a date with yourself. 

• Focus on what you can control – our minds are very good at telling us that others are better and that we’re useless because the world is unfair. A wiser approach is to consider your locus of control. In other words, what factors can you control both internally and externally? For example, you can’t magic a group of friends but you can change how you view the situation and explore finding ways to enjoy alone time. 

Whilst Managing Christmas Stress 

Even if you have the perfect family and are surrounded by friends, you might still get Christmas stress. It’s very common for people to take on too much and suddenly find themselves cooking a whole dinner for over 10 people all by themselves. 

Alternatively, perhaps you’re the type who feels a certain obligation to attend a multitude of Christmas gatherings even though you don’t really want to? If you’re not careful, you can find yourself under so much pressure to conform to the perfect “Christmas ritual” that you crack and break down at some point. 

Let’s also remember that Christmas has been heavily commercialised and the transformative power of it as a ritual can barely be seen anymore. Not everyone relates to being showered with gifts or overeating certain foods because that’s what someone once decided was “Christmasy”. The trick is to allow yourself to disagree with certain parts of the ritual if they don’t feel right for you. 

Another interesting point that we explored in a previous blog on belonging is that you don’t just need people to feel that you belong. You can also connect to nature and animals as a way to remind yourself that you too belong to this world and to nature. Moreover, nature and animals bring a whole different aspect to well-being that people don’t always provide. Overall, the aim is to find a balance that works for you and your needs. 

How to balance your Christmas stress:

• Delegate – managing friends and family is sometimes like managing colleagues. Yes, we need to delegate and draw boundaries with our loved ones. It might sound clinical but only then can you truly make sure you balance your needs. 

• Find nature – whether you know it instinctively or not, science can now prove to us the healing power of nature. Not only do trees create natural aromatherapy around us but feelings of awe also contribute to well-being and general health. 

• Do at least one self-care item a day – don’t just carve out some alone time, make sure it counts. Even if you only have 10 minutes a day to read a page from a book to listen to your favourite tune, it’s enough to get your self-care routine started. 

Enjoy New Year and Build Your Inner Contentment 

Everything in life can be taken too far and turn into a negative. Rather than turn a beautiful holiday into Christmas stress, keep checking in with yourself to make sure you’re also getting what you need. 

If you feel lonely, turn off social media and walk outside. If you feel overwhelmed by people, find some alone time. Of course these things take a bit of effort to put in place and they won’t solve all your problems. Nevertheless, you’ll get 10 minutes of relief which is a great place to start. 

Holidays are a great opportunity to connect with others but also with yourself. You are confined only by the pressures and expectations you put on yourself. Try to let them go and give yourself a break as you accept whatever life gives you during the holiday season.