Don’t you just hate it when someone makes a snap judgement about you? Then again, do you notice when you judge others or situations? We all do it, whether we want to or not. Yep, we judge books by their cover as a natural way to make sense of the world quickly and effectively. It’s actually very useful to have biases because we can make decisions quickly and survive life. As we all know though, snap decisions can be very wrong and they usually make us miserable. Having said that, we shouldn’t worry about having biases because they serve a purpose but if you don’t know your biases then they can rule your life and how you lead it hence, the feeling miserable part. So, how can you get to know your biases?
Get to know your Biases
As I mentioned in my previous blog, a common bias we all have is our tendency to focus on negative events. We also often assume the worst about what others are thinking about us although, most people are just thinking about themselves and not about us.
Last week, I talked about the gratitude exercise amongst others things to refocus our thoughts into more positive directions. When it comes to biases though, the best approach is to be curious about our thoughts and our views. How can we challenge constructively? It isn’t easy at first but checking in with ourselves and asking ourselves questions is often a good place to start to get to know ourselves deeply. Here are some questions that I like to go through on a regular basis and that still bring up surprises:
- How can I interact more with people from different views and backgrounds?
- What formed my current views today?
- How has my upbringing shaped my opinions
- What has been the experience of my gender?
- How can I stay curious about my assumptions?
- Where do I live and what influences does the community have on me?
- Who do I know and are we all the same?
- What fears do I have about other people?
- How do the words I use shape my thoughts?
- What generalisations do I talk about?
- When am I defensive?
- What do I obsess about?
What’s Next?
I’ll keep exploring biases for the next few weeks because I find them fascinating and because they can be a block on our happiness. Interestingly, they do change over time as we have different experiences. Having just finished a course about Views and how they impact our mindset, I know that I’m very different person to 20 years ago or even 4 years ago. The judgements and opinions I have today are not the same and yet, I can still get lost in them. Being able to keep questioning is something I find both a relief and a motivation. It terrifies me that I might not be in control of my biases and that I might therefore snap at someone without wanting to.
So, I keep questioning and talking to various groups of people. One of my favourite exercises is to read something by someone who has a completely opposite view to mine and to sit with the emotions whilst trying to understand their view. It’s weirdly therapeutic once you get over the initial discomfort. After all, the majority of people mean well and it’s only their backgrounds and experiences to date that have shaped their views. It isn’t their fault if those views happen to be controversial. But, more importantly, can you notice the anger or frustration that sometimes comes with those views? Yes, our biases impact our mindset and happiness. The more you get to know your biases, the better you’ll understand your mind and how to tame it. As someone famously said, “I think, therefore I suffer”.