I grew up with a neurotic mother that, at times, I still struggle to break the co-dependent ties with. I myself also became stuck in a victim loop of obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), perfectionism and mental self-flagellation. Many people have helped me along my journey to find myself and my true inner voice. I will be forever grateful and will mention them over time in blogs. But the key stars in all this so-called drama, are my dogs who showed me true ‘zen-ness’.

It took about a year or so of living with my female dog Minky before she started feeling comfortable exploring and sometimes even sleeping in my room. Minky was originally adopted by my ex-housemate, another amazing person. I don’t think I will ever be able to fully thank this person. She soon became so much than a housemate and I now consider her as family. She helped me in my life in more ways that she can probably even imagine. And then there was also Minky the dog. As I grew closer to her, I learnt that I was lonely but I never expected a dog to help me realise that, nor to help fill the gap.

Minky

As a rescue dog who had previously been abused, Minky is still scared of the outside world and as terrified of men as I am, (or was…?). But waking up to those loving eyes looking up at me to see if this is the moment I’m actually getting out of bed or just rolling over for a snooze is the most special experience. I hadn’t realised how hungry I was for connectivity with another creature as well as the need to care for someone else. I also finally appreciated that I needed more meaning in my life that didn’t revolve around work. A purpose. And here was the perfect teacher soon to be joined by JD: dogs showing me zen-ness.

JD

When my housemate moved out with her now husband, they left behind such a big hole. Although, it is also a realisation that I am grateful for finally having and they helped me realise it. So I started my action plan. I needed a pack 🙂 Minky stayed with me and we adopted JD, another rescue dog a few years older. I watched him trying to understand this new world where houses, stairs and kitchens with magical food cupboards exist. He was naturally nervous of his new environment but he soon became used to us. Minky was very happy to also have someone to be the boss of which she took to rather too well. I’ve struggled with abandonment issues my whole life but here were 2 beautiful souls who were both cheeky and stubborn at times, but who loved me unconditionally and would never let me down. It is magical.

Be dog-like…

These 2 dogs have known some very tough times in their lives, and in Minky’s case, physical abuse, but they were bravely facing each day with curiosity. And here I was lounging in my victim loop … if they could do it then so could I. We would do it together. With time, my level of anxiety eased as I felt supported by my ‘pack’ and I felt braver to face these holes in my heart and to start doing something about it.

Dogs live in the present and never worry about the past or over-think the future and my daily mantra now is ‘to be dog-like’. Of course dogs can still be anxious and have fears but generally they are only concerned with what they can currently smell at that moment in time. I became more aware of the work I needed to do on myself. I started meditating more regularly, doing yoga, reading psychology and generally learning to let go and reconnecting with people. Of course it’s an ongoing journey but their support has been invaluable. I thank my dogs that I am truly on my path to zen-ness 🙂

We have a little morning routine where I will sit on the bottom step and Minky will plonk her bottom on my feet looking up and backwards at me with a huge grin and tongue lolling out. And JD will sit next to us with his chest pumped out proudly waiting for his ears to be scratched. By the time I get up, there is a cloud of hair slowly drifting to join the other clumps collecting around the steps. As any dog owner knows, it’s rather incredible how their hair just gets everywhere – I find them protruding from my laptop keys, on my knife in a restaurant half way across the world, in my eye shadow … it’s like a piece of them is always with me and will be forever.