One of the interesting paradoxes is that we admire and value change and improvement. But at the same time we are scared by it. Why is change so scary? Nature and everything around us always settles back to an equilibrium, including us. Upsetting the equilibrium is why change is so scary. We have to work hard and deal with pain to get to a new equilibrium. This can be as small as finding a new local shop because the other one closed down. Other larger events like moving country, changing relationships or jobs will engender greater emotions. 

Fight or Flight

1- Our brains are designed to protect us and are therefore constantly conjuring up worst case scenarios. Therefore we can make sure we’ve planned for every possibility. 

On average, the mind mind thinks 60,000 to 80,000 thoughts a day although some state 50,000 a day. That calculates to about 35 thoughts a minute. Can you imagine how fleeting those are? If you practice meditation, you can probably hear the constant chatter of your mind. Our thoughts and emotions are guided by a small gland called the amygdala. Its purpose is to protect you from danger in the well known “fight or flight” reaction. This reaction allows you to be constantly assessing what is going on in your environment. However, our brains are wired to focus on the negative in order to ensure our survival. In fact, 80% of our thoughts are negative and 91% repetitive … it’s no wonder we are uncomfortable with change if our minds are constantly thinking worst case scenarios. 

Structure and Routine

2- We crave structure and routine although too much can also be stifling. However, the right balance allows us to save our brain space for bigger decisions. For example, it’s more important to spend time deciding a client strategy than than where to do your weekly food shop. Why does that make change so scary? Change threatens our routine and we suddenly become overwhelmed with too many decisions and unknowns. We feel we have lost control of our lives. 

Sense of Self

3- It challenges our sense of self as we find ourselves questioning our skills and ability. A new job, a new city or a new routine mean can all get you wondering if what you’ve previously been doing was any good. Or will you be able to be as good again? This thought creates an overwhelming rush of emotions that can be painful. 

Social Pressure

4- People around us want to avoid change. We are pack animals and social pressure has a huge impact on us because we want to remain part of the ‘clan’. Why does that mean others find change so scary? They also don’t want to upset the balance of the ‘clan’. They might even be overprotective of you and cautious about everything around you which will influence your view of change. 

I was very lucky to grow up in a household who embraced change. We moved to our first country when I was 4 years old when my father became an entrepreneur. It was therefore very weird for me when I realised that he could not cope with my current change from corporate to animal rescue volunteer. Is it because he is getting older? Or does he an overprotective view of his daughter? Or does he value corporate success over altruism? Or a fear that I’ll have to ask him for money one day? It remains to be seen … 

Fear of Failure

5- Fear of failure and being ousted from the ‘group’. Society values success and knowledge but change can cause us to fail and not have all the answers. We can look inadequate. However, personal growth is about failing and learning from our mistakes. As Buddha famously said, “life is suffering”. The sooner we accept that and let go of our image of perfection, the sooner we will be at ease with our world. Unfortunately this is not the world that social media wants us to believe in though.