As I look back over the past year and how I gave up the security of a corporate job and the luxury of a big house so that I could volunteer with animals and help people, I realise that it’s probably a crazy thing to do in most people’s view. But now I wonder if they’re right. It’s a fine line between midlife crisis and finding your path. Are animals and helping others truly my passion or am I just filling a gap that was created most probably in boarding school and living with a narcissist parent?  Am I actually just having a midlife crisis? How do you even know if you’re having a midlife crisis and how do you get through it? And what is it anyway… although I prefer the term ‘existential crisis’. It sounds more ‘explorative’ and less victim.

So, am I having a midlife crisis? 

There are so many articles out there that will tell you that if you’re in the age range of 40 to late 50s and feeling depressed or have a lack of motivation then you’re most liking having some sort of crisis. If you look at it from a psychology point of view, then you can read all about how it’s the sudden realisation of your mortality. Perhaps we’ve been living someone’s else’s dreams and we finally wonder who we really are. Or perhaps we start thinking about what we are going to be remembered for after we die, if at all.  Or perhaps we are finally ready to face our demons and work on personal growth. Then again, some of us have been trying to work out why we’re here since forever and considering how many times I’ve asked myself those big questions, I’m not sure I believe a midlife crisis has to be at a specific age. But I do believe in finding your purpose and something that motivates you intrinsically. 

It doesn’t matter if you’re only just starting to question your purpose in your ‘midlife’ as mortality suddenly slaps you in the face or if it’s something you’ve wondered since you were 6 years old with dreams of being a pop star or pilot. Either way, you need to work out who you are, what your values are and what truly motivates you. I’m not talking about money or other external things but values and activities that truly give you meaning and the feeling of fulfilment. It doesn’t even matter if you’re paid for it or not. For example, you can have a reasonable job to fund your passion or volunteer work. 

Getting through a midlife or existential crisis … or simply working out ‘life’. 

1- Question your Purpose 

Our purpose can change during our lives as we meet various needs and perhaps start developing different world views. It’s sometimes a good idea to take stock and re-evaluate what we truly want in life. Have our values changed or become clearer? Are we truly living to those values? Good questions to ask yourself are what do you love and what are you good at and are you doing these every day. What gets you up in the morning?  

2- Crises are times of Opportunity

Every time your mind goes into overdrive of worrying or thinking or whenever you feel stuck then it’s an opportunity to learn more about yourself. Perhaps you can change something in yourself or in your life or both. Perhaps there was a reason for this crisis to come along. Try to think about what you can gain from it. When I finally started breaking away from co-dependent relationship with my mother, it was both terrifying and exhilarating to work out who I was. Who was I? What clothes did I really want to wear rather than what she would want me to wear? What kind of house and friends did I want to have? And that’s before I’d even started working on discovering my core values and what I truly believe in. 

3- Connect with Others 

We often face crises when we feel alone. Loneliness can trigger questions of inadequacy and identity which makes us wonder what the hell we’re doing. Does anybody even care? Of course they do but it’s easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of negative thoughts. Self care and meditation are a huge support during those time as well as reaching out to people. I know it’s easier said than done but if you don’t try then you never know. 

4- Plan to live according to your Values 

Someone once told me that they make sure that they do an activity once a week, once a month and once a year that represents one of their values. I think that’s brilliant. So they give money every month to a charity and organise a yearly charity fundraiser. They also help at least one person every week whether it’s their neighbour with the shopping or just someone in the street looking for directions. Setting goals are a fantastic way to find meaning and purpose connected to your values.

5- Find the cause and ask for help 

Questioning is so key to personal growth especially as there is often an underlying cause to questioning ourselves. Was it simply a reminder of our mortality or are there deep fears that we haven’t dealt with? Sometimes it’s helpful to have someone to guide us so that we can understand our blind spots and limitations. There’s a difference between needing a psychiatrist or a coach but either way, I can help point you in the right direction if you wish.