As I listened to a friend talking about how busy he was and how badly he was sleeping, I started thinking about how we all relate to time so differently. You know that saying, if you want something done then give it to a busy person? Some people just seem to have time management worked out perfectly whilst others seem to carry the world on their shoulders. Of course everyone has a cracking point but what’s the difference? Is it really that busy people are more effective or is something else going on? What does it mean for us and can we somehow make more time for ourselves? 

I’m not going to pretend to have all the answers of course especially considering that time is such a widely debated topic in all expert fields, including psychics and psychology. Without going into all the complex theories, it’s possible time could simply be an illusion made up of our different memories. Alternatively, time could also be a measure of change and we experience it differently based on context. For example, how different does 24 hours feel to a mayfly who only lives for a day? If you only had 24 hours to live, what would you do differently? 

What does this mean for us? 

1- Purpose

Remember those moments when time flies? Can you remember what you were doing during those moments? The more we can do things that we enjoy or that matter to us then the more we’ll make more time, so to speak. Yes, time flies during those moments but paradoxically, we can also usually achieve more hence giving us the sense of more time. 

Find Your Flow … and your Ikagai… and Make More Time

In psychology, we talk about flow, coined by psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. Essentially, you’re in the flow when you’re using your skills and learning whilst doing something that matters to you. This is very closely related to purpose and finding your Ikagai. This Japanese word translates as ‘a reason for being’. It’s also the name of a great tool to work through to help you find that reason for yourself. Naturally, our purpose can change as we grow and evolve. Essentially, though, if you can match your skills to doing something that you feel makes a difference then you’re more likely to feel fulfilled. 

Start with Reconnecting to your Passions as a Child

A good starting point is listing all the things you used to enjoy doing as a child and let yourself be as wild and creative as you want. How can you then prioritise these into 2 or 3 things? Can these translate to something that you could be paid for? For example, mine were always writing and animals. I therefore now volunteer at an animal shelter clinic and I’m both a coach and a writer. I learnt that I needed to help people as well as animals. 

2- Meet your Demons – what’s holding you back to Make More Time?

Thinking back to my overworked friend and thinking of those friends who seem to have it under control, there seems to be a big difference in mindset. My overworked friend is clearly addicted to work, control and perfectionism. I should know, I was the same not too long ago. Letting go of control so that you don’t have to do everything and realising that sometimes ‘good’ is more than enough, makes a huge difference in how we tackle our to-do list and even what it includes. 

Find your Limiting Beliefs

Knowing my limiting beliefs really helped me rebalance my life and not feel guilty about focusing on myself and my values. I realised how much I was living someone’s else’s life. I was taking on responsibility that wasn’t mine to take. Unfortunately, I can’t save the world but I was trying to. Deep down, I was still trying to prove myself to an unforgiving, over-demanding and controlling parent. Letting go of that and being happy to do things because they mattered to me and my values was the biggest release both mentally and emotionally. The best way to work through these is, as I often suggest, journaling but also talking through them with someone. 

Some great journal prompts include: 

• 1- What did I do today that someone else could have helped with or done instead? 
• 2- Of all the tasks I did today, which ones gave me joy and which ones drained me? 
• 3- When I got frustrated today, what was my self-critic telling me? How can I rephrase it? 
• 4- If I believed I could do anything, what would I do differently? 
• 5- Did I make any mistakes today and how did they make me feel? 
• 6- If a friend had made those ‘mistakes’, what would I say to my friend? 

Of course it’s hard but with patience and practice, you can change your limiting beliefs and then focus on what you want. Time is a joy when you’re working on things you want to do. Everything is also so much easier and more efficient when you’re doing things that you’re good at. It essentially feels like you make more time for yourself. Of course we still have things we need to do that drain us of energy. Perhaps it’s people or emails that you need to deal with but don’t really want to. You can still can schedule them into your day so that you face them once and then it’s done.  

3- Know your Flow and Prioritise Yourself 

I was reading a time management blog about getting organised to help make more time for yourself. Clearly that’s good advice and works for many people. However, if you’re anything like me then the thought of being too organised just feels stifling. Doing a small batch of laundry everyday sounds very tedious whereas I like to just do it all in one go every few weeks. I just make sure I have enough clothes to last a while.

Another one you often hear is to get your work clothes ready in the evening but that just bores me to tears. My evenings are for myself. I prefer the option of having similar work clothes so that the decision is easily made as part of my morning routine. I know Barak Obama is known for this but I was doing it long before and I think it comes from my years of wearing a uniform at school. That might not work for you of course and I know many people who like to be creative with their work clothes. Whatever it is though, experiment and find your rhythm.

Our Energy Flow is Individual

The more we know our energy flow and what activities work for us at which points of the day then the more we’ll be in sync with our bodies. Trying to force us all into the same routine is actually counter-productive. We’re all different and we should honour that individuality.

We’ll then be able to be more ourselves, focus on things that matter to us and actually make a difference the way we want to. We’ll end up being more fulfilled and more able to make an impact that counts. Efficiency then naturally follows and suddenly we seem to have more time on our hands and, what’s more, we’ll have more joy in our lives.